The Curious Urinal Wednesday, 9/15/2010

Obama's Latest Plan to Save Failing Economy

With his approval numbers falling faster than pigs being tossed from an airplane, President Obama unveiled his latest proposal to bolster the miserable economy. In a press conference inside of a McDonalds Restaurant in Cincinnati, OH, Obama touted his ultimate plan.

"We'll start selling parts of America back to Mexico, France, Canada and Saudi Arabia. Then, we take your houses from you and give them to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, who will then rent the houses back to you for a small 10,000% mark-up. Then, we rob Fort Knox like Goldfinger did in that old James Bond movie... And then, just for fun, we'll sell conservatives for scientific experiments... By the pound!"

The raved reviews from Acorn workers and SEIU members drowned out the boos and hisses from the rest of the restaurant, who began pelting the president with Chicken McNuggets and hunks of cheeseburgers. The Secret Service wrestled the crowd to the ground, and then allowed the Acorn workers and SEIU members to beat them to a bloody pulp.

No word if Ronald McDonald approves of the plan.

New Oil to come from Mexico?

Even though President Obama imposed a moratorium on U.S. deepwater drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, the U.S. Export-Import Bank intends to guarantee $1 billion in loans to PEMEX, the Mexican state oil company, to bolster the company's oil drilling in the region.

The bank, which is the official American export credit agency, loaned more than $1 billion to PEMEX in 2009 -- when the company was the bank's largest borrower -- in support of its drilling activities. That year, the bank also guaranteed two loans totaling $300 million.

The latest request comes during a drilling moratorium that was first imposed by Obama in May to find out what was the cause behind the April 20 Deepwater Horizon oil rig explosion killed 11 workers and allowed over 200 million gallons of oil to spew from BP's undersea well.

After a federal court struck down the ban, amid complaints that it threatened thousands of jobs in the offshore oil industry, the Obama administration issued a new moratorium in July on most deep-water drilling activities that is in effect until Nov. 30.

The president says that it's a win-win situation for everybody. "We can bring in cheap oil from Mexico, and use illegal immigrants to carry a 55 gallon drum with them as they cross the border. The more illegal immigrants, the more oil we get! The more illegal immigrants, the more potential voters for the democrats!"