Breaking News:
Darth Vader embraces the Dark Side of the Force by robbing a bank.
On July 22nd, A man dressed as the Star Wars villain entered a bank and took an undisclosed amount of money. He wielded a handgun instead of a lightsaber. I suppose times are tough, even for the Dark Lord of the Sith.
Note to George Lucas: More Star Wars Films! Put Darth Vader back to work!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Friday 7/23/2010
The Curious Urinal Interview - Milo Days
Today, we speak with Milo Days... The Best Bluesman in the Business! So, when we learned that we were fortunate enough to land this interview with one of America's busiest Bluesmen, we did our homework.
MD: Welcome to my humble abode.
CU: Thanks. This palace is wonderful!
MD: I call it the old country dump!
CU: 30,000 square foot of country dump, I’d say!
MD: Yeah, man, but I had to build a place big enough for my studio, and to put up all my gold records!
CU: Speaking of which, what’s happening with your career, Mr. Days?
MD: Call me Milo, man. I don’t do that Mister stuff. That’s so passe.
CU: Okay, Milo. So what’s the latest?
MD: Well, I’m working on my latest CD. It's gonna be called: Milo Days, The Blues Done Got A Hold On Me! I’ve been working my fingers to da bone all over that guitar. And man, I've been diggin’ it!
CU: Milo, your fans are very loyal to you. They sell out every venue you play. They buy every CD you put out. How can you keep being fresh in today’s music market and still be true to the fans?
MD: First of all, the fans are what I live for... Well, that and some Dingleberry Wine.
CU: But to remain relevant in the world of Hip Hop and Rap, Rock and Country, you somehow manage to make the Blues sound more appealing to the masses.
MD: Man, that ain’t no problem. Lots of folks are singing the blues lately! With the way things are today, most everybody is livin' the blues! And I know the blues, baby! I grew up on the mean streets of Buzzardbait. I have lived the blues!”
CU: But your parents were both professionals, if I’ve done my homework correctly. Your father was the first black dentist in Buzzardbait, and retired a wealthy man. Your mother was one of three of the founders of Kentucky Fricasseed Chicken here in Buzzardbait. She later sold her interests to some New York investment firm for millions of dollars. You went to the Buzzardbait School for the Well-To-Do, and graduated at the top of your class. You attended college at Yale and didn’t take up being a musician until after you retired from the Findem, Suem and Skrewem Law Firm.
MD: Man, did you dig up my arrest record, too?
CU: Actually, you have never served time in jail, and as far as we could find out, never did anything that was considered illegal, immoral or remotely related to living the Blues Lifestyle.
MD: Are you trying to ruin my career? Look, I am trying to earn a livin’ here! Stop telling everyone about my past, okay? Yeah, I did my time in corporate America. I paid my taxes and lived a damned good life. But the Blues got a hold of me and changed me from what I was into what I am today!
CU: Fair enough.
MD: Damn, you ain’t right; trying to mess up a good thing for me!
CU: Now, you do a lot of promotions for Dingleberry Wine. We checked the records and found that you made nearly a half-million last year for your commercials and other endorsements for the local winery.
MD: Yeah, so?
CU: Isn’t that like living the anti-blues lifestyle?
MD: Look, here’s the deal. I drink the wine and they pay me for my services and promote my CD’s and concerts heavily. Now, you got a problem with makin’ some dough?
CU: Not in the least. What I’m trying to get at is that...
MD: Look, man... I ain’t got no reason not to make money. It’s what America is all about! When some respectable person makes money, it’s called business. When a musician makes it, it’s called making a damned living! And I make a damned good livin’!
CU: Yes you do. Last year was a banner year for you. Your four releases sold nearly ten million CD’s last year. You get $5 a pop from the sales of your CD’s. That’s nearly fifty-million dollars!
MD: And rightly so, man! I earned my livin’! I play my ass off nearly every night somewhere across this great land of ours! Don’t think for a minute I haven’t earned every last dime of that. Now if I could just keep what I earned. The damned government wants to keep on takin' and takin' and handing it out to the banks, the car companies and a bunch of welfare cheats! I say screw em! Let em get out there and get a real job!
I earn my money, and I wanna keep it! You got a problem with that?
CU: I’m not saying that. I’m saying...
MD: Look, man... I have spent my career trying to be the very best bluesman on the planet. I've record more CD's than that damned BB King ever thought of doin’! Old John Lee Hooker never did half of what I do! And don’t even get me started of the damned Blues Brothers... Although they did give me the idea of making music instead of representing gutter scum, morons and thieves in court!
CU: You represented politicians in court?
MD: Yeah, man. Some of them needed to go to jail and stay there too! Old Charlie Rangel's done enough to serve life several times over. And he's just one of many that needs to see the inside of a jail cell and live the blues, iff'n you know what I mean? Maybe be some hoss' prison bitch. Oh, they'll be singing the blues in no time! But to answer your question, yeah! And that's what I like about the blues. I can play my music and not have to deal with those lowlifes!
CU: So, in other words, you have enjoyed your career?
MD: Damn skippy, I have!
CU: I hate to ask this, but what are your political views?
MD: I am an non-political kinda guy, man. Politics are for those that can’t hold down a steady gig, iff'n you know what I mean?
CU: Would you call yourself a Democrat, Republican or Independent?
MD: Are you asking me who I voted for in the last election?
CU: Well, not in so many words, but yes!
MD: Between you and me, I didn’t like either guy running. The old dude is a waffler and the other dude is a commie-loving... Well, you catch my drift!
CU: So you didn’t vote for anyone?
MD: I voted for the chick, baby!
CU: Hillary?
MD: Not that skank, man! The good looking one from up north!
CU: Sarah Palin from Alaska?
MD: Yeah, man! She’s the kinda woman I could be hanging out with and drinkin’ some wine and... Well, you know how that goes?
CU: But she’s married.
MD: So?
CU: Uh, never mind!
MD: Look here, man, I live the blues, baby! And there ain’t nothing that says the blues more than shaggin’ some married woman and making her man cry the blues!
CU: Or hunting you down and shooting you with a moose rifle!
MD: Well, there’s that, yeah!
CU: Well, thanks for sitting down with us today, Milo. Our readers will appreciate the open and honest story of your life.
MD: My pleasure. (Checking his watch) Damn, it’s time to go record. I better make a liquor store run before though. I’m running low on Dingleberry Wine!
CU: Need a ride?
MD: Nah, man. I got my limo driver for that!
He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, it usually is snuck into the hospital he happens to be recovering in.
The Curious Urinal Interview - Milo Days
Today, we speak with Milo Days... The Best Bluesman in the Business! So, when we learned that we were fortunate enough to land this interview with one of America's busiest Bluesmen, we did our homework.
MD: Welcome to my humble abode.
CU: Thanks. This palace is wonderful!
MD: I call it the old country dump!
CU: 30,000 square foot of country dump, I’d say!
MD: Yeah, man, but I had to build a place big enough for my studio, and to put up all my gold records!
CU: Speaking of which, what’s happening with your career, Mr. Days?
MD: Call me Milo, man. I don’t do that Mister stuff. That’s so passe.
CU: Okay, Milo. So what’s the latest?
MD: Well, I’m working on my latest CD. It's gonna be called: Milo Days, The Blues Done Got A Hold On Me! I’ve been working my fingers to da bone all over that guitar. And man, I've been diggin’ it!
CU: Milo, your fans are very loyal to you. They sell out every venue you play. They buy every CD you put out. How can you keep being fresh in today’s music market and still be true to the fans?
MD: First of all, the fans are what I live for... Well, that and some Dingleberry Wine.
CU: But to remain relevant in the world of Hip Hop and Rap, Rock and Country, you somehow manage to make the Blues sound more appealing to the masses.
MD: Man, that ain’t no problem. Lots of folks are singing the blues lately! With the way things are today, most everybody is livin' the blues! And I know the blues, baby! I grew up on the mean streets of Buzzardbait. I have lived the blues!”
CU: But your parents were both professionals, if I’ve done my homework correctly. Your father was the first black dentist in Buzzardbait, and retired a wealthy man. Your mother was one of three of the founders of Kentucky Fricasseed Chicken here in Buzzardbait. She later sold her interests to some New York investment firm for millions of dollars. You went to the Buzzardbait School for the Well-To-Do, and graduated at the top of your class. You attended college at Yale and didn’t take up being a musician until after you retired from the Findem, Suem and Skrewem Law Firm.
MD: Man, did you dig up my arrest record, too?
CU: Actually, you have never served time in jail, and as far as we could find out, never did anything that was considered illegal, immoral or remotely related to living the Blues Lifestyle.
MD: Are you trying to ruin my career? Look, I am trying to earn a livin’ here! Stop telling everyone about my past, okay? Yeah, I did my time in corporate America. I paid my taxes and lived a damned good life. But the Blues got a hold of me and changed me from what I was into what I am today!
CU: Fair enough.
MD: Damn, you ain’t right; trying to mess up a good thing for me!
CU: Now, you do a lot of promotions for Dingleberry Wine. We checked the records and found that you made nearly a half-million last year for your commercials and other endorsements for the local winery.
MD: Yeah, so?
CU: Isn’t that like living the anti-blues lifestyle?
MD: Look, here’s the deal. I drink the wine and they pay me for my services and promote my CD’s and concerts heavily. Now, you got a problem with makin’ some dough?
CU: Not in the least. What I’m trying to get at is that...
MD: Look, man... I ain’t got no reason not to make money. It’s what America is all about! When some respectable person makes money, it’s called business. When a musician makes it, it’s called making a damned living! And I make a damned good livin’!
CU: Yes you do. Last year was a banner year for you. Your four releases sold nearly ten million CD’s last year. You get $5 a pop from the sales of your CD’s. That’s nearly fifty-million dollars!
MD: And rightly so, man! I earned my livin’! I play my ass off nearly every night somewhere across this great land of ours! Don’t think for a minute I haven’t earned every last dime of that. Now if I could just keep what I earned. The damned government wants to keep on takin' and takin' and handing it out to the banks, the car companies and a bunch of welfare cheats! I say screw em! Let em get out there and get a real job!
I earn my money, and I wanna keep it! You got a problem with that?
CU: I’m not saying that. I’m saying...
MD: Look, man... I have spent my career trying to be the very best bluesman on the planet. I've record more CD's than that damned BB King ever thought of doin’! Old John Lee Hooker never did half of what I do! And don’t even get me started of the damned Blues Brothers... Although they did give me the idea of making music instead of representing gutter scum, morons and thieves in court!
CU: You represented politicians in court?
MD: Yeah, man. Some of them needed to go to jail and stay there too! Old Charlie Rangel's done enough to serve life several times over. And he's just one of many that needs to see the inside of a jail cell and live the blues, iff'n you know what I mean? Maybe be some hoss' prison bitch. Oh, they'll be singing the blues in no time! But to answer your question, yeah! And that's what I like about the blues. I can play my music and not have to deal with those lowlifes!
CU: So, in other words, you have enjoyed your career?
MD: Damn skippy, I have!
CU: I hate to ask this, but what are your political views?
MD: I am an non-political kinda guy, man. Politics are for those that can’t hold down a steady gig, iff'n you know what I mean?
CU: Would you call yourself a Democrat, Republican or Independent?
MD: Are you asking me who I voted for in the last election?
CU: Well, not in so many words, but yes!
MD: Between you and me, I didn’t like either guy running. The old dude is a waffler and the other dude is a commie-loving... Well, you catch my drift!
CU: So you didn’t vote for anyone?
MD: I voted for the chick, baby!
CU: Hillary?
MD: Not that skank, man! The good looking one from up north!
CU: Sarah Palin from Alaska?
MD: Yeah, man! She’s the kinda woman I could be hanging out with and drinkin’ some wine and... Well, you know how that goes?
CU: But she’s married.
MD: So?
CU: Uh, never mind!
MD: Look here, man, I live the blues, baby! And there ain’t nothing that says the blues more than shaggin’ some married woman and making her man cry the blues!
CU: Or hunting you down and shooting you with a moose rifle!
MD: Well, there’s that, yeah!
CU: Well, thanks for sitting down with us today, Milo. Our readers will appreciate the open and honest story of your life.
MD: My pleasure. (Checking his watch) Damn, it’s time to go record. I better make a liquor store run before though. I’m running low on Dingleberry Wine!
CU: Need a ride?
MD: Nah, man. I got my limo driver for that!
He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, it usually is snuck into the hospital he happens to be recovering in.
Tres Equis - Stay thirsty... And away from the bulls, my friends!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Thursday 7/22/2010
Author Arrested Over Book.
SINGAPORE (AP) — This past Monday, Singaporean police said they arrested a British author as part of a criminal defamation investigation. The investigation was related to a book the author had written on the city-state's death penalty policy.
The author, Alan Shadrake, who is 75, was in Singapore, promoting his book, Once a Jolly Hangman: Singapore Justice in the Dock. Police arrested Shadrake based on a complaint by the government's Media Development Authority. They are also investigating him for other offenses. They declined to give any further details.
But one of the known charges the Singapore Attorney-General's office is seeking is a contempt of court charges. “Because statements in the book allegedly impugn the impartiality, integrity and independence of the judiciary.” A spokeswoman said. She spoke anonymously in fear for her life.
The contempt of court charges will be heard by judge Imgona Hangya at the country's High Court on July 30.
Singapore's leaders have sued journalists and political opponents several times in past years for alleged defamation. The government says restrictions on speech and assembly are necessary to preserve economic prosperity and racial and religious harmony in the multi-ethnic city-state of 5 million people. It says any statement that damages the reputations of its leaders will hinder their ability to rule effectively.
Currently the White House is looking into the matter to see if such rules could make life better for the liberals in America.
“By stifling all free speech and freedom of assembly, we could stop those pesky Tea Party people from demanding liberty and lower taxes. Then we could make sure that the president can become Emperor and rule the galaxy with the repressive iron fist of The Sith!” A White House spokeswoman said anonymously, in fear for her life.
Singapore applies capital punishment by hanging for offenses such as drug trafficking, unlawful use of a firearm, building treehouses or eating western-style foods.
The hangings are what inspired the drink, the Singapore Sling.
Investigation into Hours Before Oil Spill
Federal authorities are investigating the BP PLC's oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They are looking specifically at the bad decisions, missed warnings and worker disagreements in the hours before the April 20 inferno aboard the Deepwater Horizon. That blast spawned one of the worst environmental disasters in U.S. history.
Investigators are looking at one person in particular. He is a gnome that was seen hanging around the oil rig in the moments before the accident. “He was jumping up and down,” said Billy ‘Bubba’ Saifaux of Rusty Springs, Louisiana “I saw the little feller with the pointed hat just jumping up and down like something that didn’t have good sense. Then all of a sudden, his little pointed hat stuck into a pipe, causing a spark that caused the explosion.” He went on to say, “And then, the gnome disappeared. But I saw him last night in a commercial on TV. Someone ought to be looking into this!”
Author Arrested Over Book.
SINGAPORE (AP) — This past Monday, Singaporean police said they arrested a British author as part of a criminal defamation investigation. The investigation was related to a book the author had written on the city-state's death penalty policy.
The author, Alan Shadrake, who is 75, was in Singapore, promoting his book, Once a Jolly Hangman: Singapore Justice in the Dock. Police arrested Shadrake based on a complaint by the government's Media Development Authority. They are also investigating him for other offenses. They declined to give any further details.
But one of the known charges the Singapore Attorney-General's office is seeking is a contempt of court charges. “Because statements in the book allegedly impugn the impartiality, integrity and independence of the judiciary.” A spokeswoman said. She spoke anonymously in fear for her life.
The contempt of court charges will be heard by judge Imgona Hangya at the country's High Court on July 30.
Singapore's leaders have sued journalists and political opponents several times in past years for alleged defamation. The government says restrictions on speech and assembly are necessary to preserve economic prosperity and racial and religious harmony in the multi-ethnic city-state of 5 million people. It says any statement that damages the reputations of its leaders will hinder their ability to rule effectively.
Currently the White House is looking into the matter to see if such rules could make life better for the liberals in America.
“By stifling all free speech and freedom of assembly, we could stop those pesky Tea Party people from demanding liberty and lower taxes. Then we could make sure that the president can become Emperor and rule the galaxy with the repressive iron fist of The Sith!” A White House spokeswoman said anonymously, in fear for her life.
Singapore applies capital punishment by hanging for offenses such as drug trafficking, unlawful use of a firearm, building treehouses or eating western-style foods.
The hangings are what inspired the drink, the Singapore Sling.
Investigation into Hours Before Oil Spill
Federal authorities are investigating the BP PLC's oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They are looking specifically at the bad decisions, missed warnings and worker disagreements in the hours before the April 20 inferno aboard the Deepwater Horizon. That blast spawned one of the worst environmental disasters in U.S. history.
Investigators are looking at one person in particular. He is a gnome that was seen hanging around the oil rig in the moments before the accident. “He was jumping up and down,” said Billy ‘Bubba’ Saifaux of Rusty Springs, Louisiana “I saw the little feller with the pointed hat just jumping up and down like something that didn’t have good sense. Then all of a sudden, his little pointed hat stuck into a pipe, causing a spark that caused the explosion.” He went on to say, “And then, the gnome disappeared. But I saw him last night in a commercial on TV. Someone ought to be looking into this!”
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, 7/21/2010
Iran to File Complaint on Mosque Bombing
TEHRAN, Iran — On Sunday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Iran will file a complaint to international bodies over the deadly mosque bombing by an insurgent group he claims the U.S. supports.
The twin suicide bombings of a mosque in southeast Iran killed 28 people last Thursday night, in an attack claimed by the Jundallah insurgent group. This was in retaliation for the execution of its leader by Iranian authorities in June.
Ahmadinejad did not specify if the complaint would be specifically against the U.S., but he did tell state TV that America supported the bombings. "If Obama is not aware of actions by American forces, we tell him that American troops based in Afghanistan and Pakistan support these actions," he said about to the bombings.
He went on to say, “If we had bombed Israel - and we really, really want to, mind you - that would be okay! This just isn’t fair!” He then threw a tantrum, had some cookies and camel’s milk, then took a nap.
Earthquake in Alaska
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A powerful earthquake has shaken an Aleutian Island area in Alaska but there is no threat of a tsunami.
The U.S. Geological Survey says the 6.7-magnitude quake struck at 9:56 p.m. Saturday and was centered in the Bering Sea about 110 miles northeast of Dutch Harbor or 930 miles west of Anchorage. The quake hit about 21 miles beneath the seabed.
Tina Fey, doing her impression of Sarah Palin, said, “I could feel it in my backyard!”
18th Century Ship Unearthed at WTC Site
NEW YORK, NY - Construction workers at the World Trade Center site in Manhattan have discovered the remains of a ship that had been buried back in the 18th century. The ships 32-foot-long hull is now being carefully taken out of the area.
Items found in the ship so far include a few gold coins, an anchor, and an old New York Times newspaper. The newspaper’s front page read: Democrats Blast Bush for Revolutionary War Spending!
Iran to File Complaint on Mosque Bombing
TEHRAN, Iran — On Sunday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Iran will file a complaint to international bodies over the deadly mosque bombing by an insurgent group he claims the U.S. supports.
The twin suicide bombings of a mosque in southeast Iran killed 28 people last Thursday night, in an attack claimed by the Jundallah insurgent group. This was in retaliation for the execution of its leader by Iranian authorities in June.
Ahmadinejad did not specify if the complaint would be specifically against the U.S., but he did tell state TV that America supported the bombings. "If Obama is not aware of actions by American forces, we tell him that American troops based in Afghanistan and Pakistan support these actions," he said about to the bombings.
He went on to say, “If we had bombed Israel - and we really, really want to, mind you - that would be okay! This just isn’t fair!” He then threw a tantrum, had some cookies and camel’s milk, then took a nap.
Earthquake in Alaska
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A powerful earthquake has shaken an Aleutian Island area in Alaska but there is no threat of a tsunami.
The U.S. Geological Survey says the 6.7-magnitude quake struck at 9:56 p.m. Saturday and was centered in the Bering Sea about 110 miles northeast of Dutch Harbor or 930 miles west of Anchorage. The quake hit about 21 miles beneath the seabed.
Tina Fey, doing her impression of Sarah Palin, said, “I could feel it in my backyard!”
18th Century Ship Unearthed at WTC Site
NEW YORK, NY - Construction workers at the World Trade Center site in Manhattan have discovered the remains of a ship that had been buried back in the 18th century. The ships 32-foot-long hull is now being carefully taken out of the area.
Items found in the ship so far include a few gold coins, an anchor, and an old New York Times newspaper. The newspaper’s front page read: Democrats Blast Bush for Revolutionary War Spending!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Tuesday 7/20/2010
So-called Comedian’s Unfunny Joke
Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown slammed non-funny comedian Kathy Griffin for making a crude joke about his two daughters last week.
Griffin, star of “My Life on the D List” made the comments on the Bravo network Tuesday night. The segment features Griffin being shown a photograph of Brown by two CNN reporters. Griffin identifies Brown in the picture, saying, “Scott Brown, who is a senator from Massachusetts and has two daughters that are prostitutes.” The CNN reporters erupted in laughter at Griffin’s comment.
But Brown isn’t laughing. Instead, he is blasting Griffin and Bravo for the segment. “People can call me any name they want, but families are off limits!" He said in the statement made through spokesperson.. "Kathy Griffin and Bravo ought to be ashamed of themselves.”
At the end of the clip, Griffin runs a disclaimer “from Bravo’s legal team,” saying the girls are not, in fact, “prostitutes.”
Griffin also insults former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in the segment, saying “Remember when the Republican’s tried to get that nutbag Sarah Palin to sound credible before the vice presidential debates? They had a board and ran flash cards to teach her the tough stuff, like there is both a North and South Korea. Well, that’s sort of like what they (the reporters from CNN) did for me.”
Ms. Griffin, the terminally unfunny comedian, can be seen in an upcoming Bravo Special, entitled: My Life as an Annoying Bitch!
Embarrassing iPhone calls bring complaints from customers
Just when you think technology can’t get any better, here comes the iPhone 4. The latest craze for the “Wired” generation. The apps alone are mind boggling. But there are a few small problems, even with the “Perfect Phone.”
If you touch it around the middle area (the metal ring built into the Phone) the signal is lessened; if you move it, you can drop calls and lose data streams. Apple is currently offering a bumper case to remedy the interference and save face.
But the kicker is that it can randomly call old girlfriends/boyfriends from your past without your knowledge.
“I know first hand what kind of embarrassment this can cause,” says Billy Hordogg of West Virginia. “I was driving down the road, just minding my own business, when all of a sudden my old high school girlfriend, Ivana Grabudinkie, was shouting at me for daring to call her after I had dumped her for some other tramp back in high school twenty years before.”
This is not uncommon.
Betty Beddwedder of Oregon said, “My iPhone 4 accidentally called The New Life Church and called them all sorts of hateful things, then started uploading images of me naked to the pastor. I was so embarrassed!”
A spokesperson with Apple, Connie Ewetospendmormonet, said that there have been but a few complaints, mostly with software issues. “We are currently rethinking how we, as a company, will be able to create a new app to fix these small problems and make millions in the process!”
But one over-the-road trucker, Willie Haulinarse, isn’t very happy. “My new iPhone 4 called my dispatcher, told him I never wanted to work for his company again, and now I’m stranded in the middle of South Dakota, surrounded by miles and miles of...” The call suddenly dropped.
Weight and Memory Loss Linked
If you are a middle-aged women who also happens to be overweight, then you might just have another reason to take off those excess pounds: The more a postmenopausal woman weighs, the worse her memory is, researchers have announced..
The negative impact on memory was more pronounced in "pear-shaped" women who carry excess weight around their hips, and less of a factor in "apple-shaped" women who carry it around their waists, the study also noted.
When asked about this, overweight women were of mixed feelings.
Wilma Largtush of Hooter Heights said, “You know, I really don’t care what the studies show, I am... What were we talking about again?”
Georgia Onmamind agreed. “Yeah, What she said!”
The two women later went to Greasy Louie’s House of Mostly Pancakes and had lunch.
So-called Comedian’s Unfunny Joke
Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown slammed non-funny comedian Kathy Griffin for making a crude joke about his two daughters last week.
Griffin, star of “My Life on the D List” made the comments on the Bravo network Tuesday night. The segment features Griffin being shown a photograph of Brown by two CNN reporters. Griffin identifies Brown in the picture, saying, “Scott Brown, who is a senator from Massachusetts and has two daughters that are prostitutes.” The CNN reporters erupted in laughter at Griffin’s comment.
But Brown isn’t laughing. Instead, he is blasting Griffin and Bravo for the segment. “People can call me any name they want, but families are off limits!" He said in the statement made through spokesperson.. "Kathy Griffin and Bravo ought to be ashamed of themselves.”
At the end of the clip, Griffin runs a disclaimer “from Bravo’s legal team,” saying the girls are not, in fact, “prostitutes.”
Griffin also insults former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin in the segment, saying “Remember when the Republican’s tried to get that nutbag Sarah Palin to sound credible before the vice presidential debates? They had a board and ran flash cards to teach her the tough stuff, like there is both a North and South Korea. Well, that’s sort of like what they (the reporters from CNN) did for me.”
Ms. Griffin, the terminally unfunny comedian, can be seen in an upcoming Bravo Special, entitled: My Life as an Annoying Bitch!
Embarrassing iPhone calls bring complaints from customers
Just when you think technology can’t get any better, here comes the iPhone 4. The latest craze for the “Wired” generation. The apps alone are mind boggling. But there are a few small problems, even with the “Perfect Phone.”
If you touch it around the middle area (the metal ring built into the Phone) the signal is lessened; if you move it, you can drop calls and lose data streams. Apple is currently offering a bumper case to remedy the interference and save face.
But the kicker is that it can randomly call old girlfriends/boyfriends from your past without your knowledge.
“I know first hand what kind of embarrassment this can cause,” says Billy Hordogg of West Virginia. “I was driving down the road, just minding my own business, when all of a sudden my old high school girlfriend, Ivana Grabudinkie, was shouting at me for daring to call her after I had dumped her for some other tramp back in high school twenty years before.”
This is not uncommon.
Betty Beddwedder of Oregon said, “My iPhone 4 accidentally called The New Life Church and called them all sorts of hateful things, then started uploading images of me naked to the pastor. I was so embarrassed!”
A spokesperson with Apple, Connie Ewetospendmormonet, said that there have been but a few complaints, mostly with software issues. “We are currently rethinking how we, as a company, will be able to create a new app to fix these small problems and make millions in the process!”
But one over-the-road trucker, Willie Haulinarse, isn’t very happy. “My new iPhone 4 called my dispatcher, told him I never wanted to work for his company again, and now I’m stranded in the middle of South Dakota, surrounded by miles and miles of...” The call suddenly dropped.
Weight and Memory Loss Linked
If you are a middle-aged women who also happens to be overweight, then you might just have another reason to take off those excess pounds: The more a postmenopausal woman weighs, the worse her memory is, researchers have announced..
The negative impact on memory was more pronounced in "pear-shaped" women who carry excess weight around their hips, and less of a factor in "apple-shaped" women who carry it around their waists, the study also noted.
When asked about this, overweight women were of mixed feelings.
Wilma Largtush of Hooter Heights said, “You know, I really don’t care what the studies show, I am... What were we talking about again?”
Georgia Onmamind agreed. “Yeah, What she said!”
The two women later went to Greasy Louie’s House of Mostly Pancakes and had lunch.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday 7/19/2010
Is the NAACP or the New Black Panther Party Racists?
According to one minister, they are. “When they both become ‘Equal Opportunity Employers’ then we can say no!” Exclaims Reverend Rex Z. Terd, leader of the What’s So Wrong About Having Faith Church in Midget Falls, ND. Reverend Terd also said, “When they blast the Tea Party for being racists and bigots, and at the same time some of their member are calling for the black community to kill ‘krackers and their kracker babies,’ you know there is a double standard at work. So when The Congressional Black Caucus will allow Whites, Hispanics and Asians in their midst, and the NAACP and The Black Panthers allow Whites, Hispanics and Asians in their midst, then I’ll believe they are being non-racists!”
He continued by saying, “I have 254 members of a congregation who are of multi-ethnic backgrounds. We all believe in God! If the NAACP and the Black Panthers believe in God, then they should believe that no color is better than anyone other color! Everyone is equal in God’s eyes... Except the French! They just plain suck!”
Muslim Mother Free to Kill More of Her Children?
A Canadian judge's decision to free a devout Muslim mother convicted of strangling her 14-year-old daughter with a head scarf has prompted outrage. The judge gave the mother a suspended sentence. The Judge of The Court of Queen's Bench Justice passed his judgement last October, stunning a national victims rights' group based in Toronto.
"I really strongly disagree," said a spokesperson for the Canadian Crime Victims Foundation. "It sends a message to the rest of the community and the world that her daughter's life was valueless.”
The Muslim mother was acquitted in October of last year of second-degree murder and found her guilty of manslaughter in the death of her 14-year-old daughter. The judge placed her on three years probation along with several conditions, including taking grief counseling, depression and anger management classes, and not killing any of her other children for at least two years.
When asked what she planned on doing after being set free, she said, “I’m going to Disney World! There, I can kill other infidel children and ride Space Mountain!”
Children Nearly Arrested for Praying
A group of Christian students was ordered to stop praying outside the U.S. Supreme Court building on May 5 because a court police officer told them it was against the law.
The junior high school students were a part of the American History class at Wickenburg Christian Academy in Arizona. After taking pictures on the steps of the Supreme Court building, their teacher gathered them to a location near the side of the building, where after forming a circle they began to pray.
According to the report, a police officer interrupted the prayer and ordered the group to cease and desist. They were told to stop praying because they were violating the law and they had to take their prayer elsewhere, otherwise they would be arrested for being Anti-American Religious Nutbags and America didn’t need their kind anywhere in Washington!
“The Marshal of the Court will look into the alleged event. But I can assure you that the Court does not have a policy prohibiting prayer,” This according to a Supreme Court Spokesperson. “The officer must have confused law with his own political views on religion!”
Finally, the group of 15 students and seven adults left the Supreme Court and relocated to a sidewalk – where they continued their prayer. As they did so, a group of Atheists came up and beat the crap out of them.
The groups of praying students and teachers, beaten into unconsciousness, was quickly arrested for loitering and will be sentenced sometime next week.
Oil Spill Fix Looks Promising
NEW ORLEANS -- It only took 88 days, several millions of gallons of oil and the ruination of the gulf of Mexico for perhaps decades to come, but British Petroleum (BP) said its capped-off well appeared to be holding steady as of last Friday morning. Currently, there are two underwater robots scouring the sea floor looking for signs of new leaks.
Also, President Obama said BP's capping of the spill was "good news."
On a related note, BP is said to be considering opening the first ‘Open Water Oil Change Service Station’ in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Spokesperson Melika Oilybeach said then since there is so much oil in the gulf now, it would be very cost effect to build the new facility there, and could change the oil in millions of cars, trucks, vans SUV’s and fishing vessels that come by. Of course, in order to get to the ‘Open Water’ facility, folks would have to load upon a barge, spend the bulk of the day on the gulf to get to the facility, but that BP could offer coupons and specials to offset the inconvenience to their customers.
Is the NAACP or the New Black Panther Party Racists?
According to one minister, they are. “When they both become ‘Equal Opportunity Employers’ then we can say no!” Exclaims Reverend Rex Z. Terd, leader of the What’s So Wrong About Having Faith Church in Midget Falls, ND. Reverend Terd also said, “When they blast the Tea Party for being racists and bigots, and at the same time some of their member are calling for the black community to kill ‘krackers and their kracker babies,’ you know there is a double standard at work. So when The Congressional Black Caucus will allow Whites, Hispanics and Asians in their midst, and the NAACP and The Black Panthers allow Whites, Hispanics and Asians in their midst, then I’ll believe they are being non-racists!”
He continued by saying, “I have 254 members of a congregation who are of multi-ethnic backgrounds. We all believe in God! If the NAACP and the Black Panthers believe in God, then they should believe that no color is better than anyone other color! Everyone is equal in God’s eyes... Except the French! They just plain suck!”
Muslim Mother Free to Kill More of Her Children?
A Canadian judge's decision to free a devout Muslim mother convicted of strangling her 14-year-old daughter with a head scarf has prompted outrage. The judge gave the mother a suspended sentence. The Judge of The Court of Queen's Bench Justice passed his judgement last October, stunning a national victims rights' group based in Toronto.
"I really strongly disagree," said a spokesperson for the Canadian Crime Victims Foundation. "It sends a message to the rest of the community and the world that her daughter's life was valueless.”
The Muslim mother was acquitted in October of last year of second-degree murder and found her guilty of manslaughter in the death of her 14-year-old daughter. The judge placed her on three years probation along with several conditions, including taking grief counseling, depression and anger management classes, and not killing any of her other children for at least two years.
When asked what she planned on doing after being set free, she said, “I’m going to Disney World! There, I can kill other infidel children and ride Space Mountain!”
Children Nearly Arrested for Praying
A group of Christian students was ordered to stop praying outside the U.S. Supreme Court building on May 5 because a court police officer told them it was against the law.
The junior high school students were a part of the American History class at Wickenburg Christian Academy in Arizona. After taking pictures on the steps of the Supreme Court building, their teacher gathered them to a location near the side of the building, where after forming a circle they began to pray.
According to the report, a police officer interrupted the prayer and ordered the group to cease and desist. They were told to stop praying because they were violating the law and they had to take their prayer elsewhere, otherwise they would be arrested for being Anti-American Religious Nutbags and America didn’t need their kind anywhere in Washington!
“The Marshal of the Court will look into the alleged event. But I can assure you that the Court does not have a policy prohibiting prayer,” This according to a Supreme Court Spokesperson. “The officer must have confused law with his own political views on religion!”
Finally, the group of 15 students and seven adults left the Supreme Court and relocated to a sidewalk – where they continued their prayer. As they did so, a group of Atheists came up and beat the crap out of them.
The groups of praying students and teachers, beaten into unconsciousness, was quickly arrested for loitering and will be sentenced sometime next week.
Oil Spill Fix Looks Promising
NEW ORLEANS -- It only took 88 days, several millions of gallons of oil and the ruination of the gulf of Mexico for perhaps decades to come, but British Petroleum (BP) said its capped-off well appeared to be holding steady as of last Friday morning. Currently, there are two underwater robots scouring the sea floor looking for signs of new leaks.
Also, President Obama said BP's capping of the spill was "good news."
On a related note, BP is said to be considering opening the first ‘Open Water Oil Change Service Station’ in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Spokesperson Melika Oilybeach said then since there is so much oil in the gulf now, it would be very cost effect to build the new facility there, and could change the oil in millions of cars, trucks, vans SUV’s and fishing vessels that come by. Of course, in order to get to the ‘Open Water’ facility, folks would have to load upon a barge, spend the bulk of the day on the gulf to get to the facility, but that BP could offer coupons and specials to offset the inconvenience to their customers.
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