Local Celeb Upset About Shun
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Sitting in his posh digs at the Buzzardbait Zoo, Stinky, the Feces-throwing Monkey, is irate. He’s is on the phone with his agent and attorney, B.A. (Bad Ass) Gorilla, wanting to know how something like this could have happened?
It seems The Rise of The Planet of The Apes overlooked Stinky when it was casting. In fact, he only recently heard about the movie, and it upsets him that he wasn’t asked to play a role.
“I could have been Ceaser! I could have even played a supporting role. Hell, I could have played Third Monkey to the Left if that’s what they wanted!” Stinky slurped at a banana daiquiri. “This sucks! How can they make a movie about apes and not have me in it?”
When I explained that human actors played the part in the original movies, Stinky replied, “I know that! Do you think me so daft as to not know that Roddy McDowell, Kim Hunter and a bunch of people in monkey suits portrayed the apes back then? That was then, this is now!”
When I explained the motion-capture method used to digitally create the apes in this new movie, Stinky balked. “You know, this is why Hollywood sucks! Here they could have cast me in the role of Ceaser and save millions in special effects costs! But noooooooo! They want computer-generated actors so they can put us thespians out of work! This is a plot to turn Hollywood into a wasteland!”
When I mentioned that most of Hollywood was already a wasteland, Stinky concurred. “I know. Since they started all of this reality-based TV' and now are taking off All My Children and One Life to Live to be replaced with stupid talk shows, Hollywood is all but dead in the talent department, as well as being a place for any kind of creativity!”
The phone rang again, and B.A. Gorilla was on the other end of the conversation. Stinky said ‘okay’ and sighed as he hung the phone up. “Well, at least B.A. found me some work! It's not much, but it keeps me in banana
daiquiri's."
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Stinky, the Feces-throwing Monkey says,
"There Great... If you're into that sorta thing?"
