The Curious Urinal - Friday 2/25/2011


Local man makes bizarre discovery


It was a typical day for Harry Balzenhand, owner of Balzenhand Sporting Goods and Bingo Hall. Amidst the steady drone of the old ladies yelling bingo, and the thump of basketballs being bounced in the sporting goods store, Harry Balzenhand noticed something he had never noticed before.

Lurking near the restrooms was a six foot tall dancing bear that goes by the name of Bubba. Bubba the Dancing Bear was selling raffle tickets to unsuspecting old women for a night of fun and adventure at Big Al's Titty Emporium when from overhead the ceiling came crashing down, crushing Bubba the Dancing bear and two elderly women - dressed in pink and purple spandex and dragging along oxygen tanks.

Harry Balzenhand rushed to the scene of the disaster and discovered that the ceiling had collapsed because a very large rat, estimated to weigh at least two-thousand pounds, had crawled across a weak spot of the ceiling.

The rat, who will remain anonymous, scurried off, dragging one of the elderly women with him. Although several innocent bystanders, all dribbling basketballs, stood by and watched the events unfold, none of them choose to help the elderly woman, Norma Loosedentures, as she was screaming something about having to get back to her bingo game. The rat drug her out of the building though the front door, and disappeared moments later, driving a Honda Civic with Illinois license number KKK-U2.

As for Bubba the Dancing Bear, he will be buried at Buzzardbait Cemetery as soon as the raffle tickets are sold.

The other elderly woman, Ms. Gurtrude Bluehair, got up and returned to her bingo game, winning a jackpot of nearly $25. She played Ms. Loosedentures five cards, and bingoed on those at least twice.

As for Harry Balzenhand, he has a very big job ahead of him. Aside for ceiling repairs, he also has to invest in several large rat traps and find a replacement for Bubba.


In National news:

Part-time President and full-time Community Organizer in Chief Obama, who had been silent for over a week - refusing to comment on the atrocities currently happening in Libya - finally made a statement. His new press secretary, Jay Whatshisface (who replaced habitual liar Robert Gibbs - who now is lying in the private sector) said it was a 'scheduling conflict' that was to blame for the president's silence.

The press secretary said, "The president was playing basketball at the time, and couldn't be bothered." He then said that during a time-out, the president commented on the matter by saying, "Cool!" He then went back to playing ball with members of the SEIU Basketball All-Stars.

Jay Whatshisface went on to say, "So that should put to rest the notion that the president isn't engaged in matters in the Middle East."


And now, a message from Dewaine Shoulders, Publisher of The Curious Urinal ---

Hey gang! Sorry to be away so long. You know how life is... One day you're busily writing goofy stuff and the next day you're busily writing not so goofy stuff, doing Internet radio and TV, writing books and otherwise trying to make a living working a steady gig. Whew!

Anyway, I'm going to try to juggle it all, returning to what I love doing... Making up goofy stuff and still try to keep up with the rest of it all.

And I'm including the link to my first book. I have another in the editing stage now, and will be publishing it soon. I would appreciate any feedback on the book too.

Thanks,
Dewaine


http://www.amazon.com/Dead-Night-ebook/dp/B004G092WM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1294504269&sr=1-1

The Curious Urinal - Thursday 2/23/2011

The Curious Urinal is Back!

After a prolonged stay at the Buzzardbait Home for the Mentally Incoherent, Publisher Dewaine Shoulders returns to work; refreshed and almost coherent.

Starting tomorrow, The Curious Urinal will return with a change in publishing. Every Friday, The Curious Urinal will publish more of what you have come to expect from Buzzardbait's only online newspaper. Only now in a convenient weekly format.