EPA E-mail: Stop defecating in hallways.
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
From The Truth Is Stranger Than Fact Department:
In the vast hallways of power all over our great nation, you'd likely see politicians politicking, political aides aiding, IRS people destroying e-mails and hard drives, and others doing their best to look busy. But what you wouldn't expect is seeing someone taking a dump in the hallways.
Well, it has come to our attention that there are those individuals working in government that like to get their freak on and defecate in the hallways at the EPA.
The Curious Urinal received a report that EPA Management for Region 8 in Denver, Colorado apparently wrote an email, which was sent out earlier this year to all staff in the area. The e-mail essentially begged those folks to stop defecating in the hallway. Also, the EPA managers were forced to consult certain 'experts' on “workplace violence.” Those expert told them that feces in the hallway constitutes a health hazard. Ya think? Depending on what was eaten, the bio-hazard alone could be deadly.Just imagine refried beans and Sliders... Yuck!
But what about this Workplace violence? What were they doing? Were they tossing poo at other employees in the hallways in Colorado? Were they having turd wars? Talk about the sh*t hitting the fan!
In the email, which was obtained by The Curious Urinal, Hung Chow, the EPA's Deputy Regional Administrator, mentioned “several incidents” in the building; these incidents included clogging the toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway” outside of a restroom.
Sounds like a normal day in Buzzardbait High School, not in an EPA office.
The EPA spokesman, Fred "Red' Crapper, gave the following statement:
“Although we cannot comment on this incident, rest assured that we will continue to feed you a load of sh*t and regulate the crap out of you in the process. You have our promise there."Hmm? Do you think that maybe our tax dollars are being wasted here?
Speaking with Ammo County Judge Harry "Hang 'em" Knuckles about this incident, he stated, "What we have here is failure to administer the government. We have elected a bunch of morons, who in turn appoint a bunch of morons, who in turn hire a bunch of morons, and all of them act like... Well, Morons!" He then added, "And our tax dollars are being flushed down the proverbial toilet in the process!"
Ammo County Judge Harry Knuckles
But a local expert on poo gave us a clearer picture of this incident. Stinky, The Feces-throwing Monkey, who was sitting in his Laz-E-Ape recliner, sipping a banana daiquiri, gave the following statement:
"It is humbling to know that I'm not the only one who enjoys pinching a loaf and flinging it at someone. But they should have consulted with me prior to this incident. I could have shown them the proper way of tossing poo."
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