If you follow college sports then you know that we are in full March Madness. As many of you know, the University of Louisville and the University of Kentucky are facing off Saturday in the Final Four.
Having said that, not one of the staff of The Curious Urinal has been productive at all this week. In fact, two of them (each a fan of either UofL of UK) got into a fist fight and were suspended. The rest have been making bets and drinking on the job.
So, in order to provide you, dear readers (both of you) with your weekly dose of the CU, I'm re-running the following -
The Curious Urinal Interview - Milo Days
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Today, we speak with Milo Days... The Best Bluesman in the Business! So, when we learned that we were fortunate enough to land this interview with one of America's busiest Bluesmen, we did our homework.
MD: Welcome to my humble abode.
CU: Thanks. This palace is wonderful!
MD: I call it the old country dump!
CU: 30,000 square foot of country dump, I’d say!
MD: Yeah, man, but I had to build a place big enough for my studio, and to put up all my gold records!
CU: Speaking of which, what’s happening with your career, Mr. Days?
MD: Call me Milo, man. I don’t do that Mister stuff. That’s so passe.
CU: Okay, Milo. So what’s the latest?
MD: Well, I’m working on my latest CD. It's gonna be called: Milo Days, The Blues Done Got A Hold On Me! I’ve been working my fingers to da bone all over that guitar. And man, I've been diggin’ it!
CU: Milo, your fans are very loyal to you. They sell out every venue you play. They buy every CD you put out. How can you keep being fresh in today’s music market and still be true to the fans?
MD: First of all, the fans are what I live for... Well, that and some Dingleberry Wine.
CU: But to remain relevant in the world of Hip Hop and Rap, Rock and Country, you somehow manage to make the Blues sound more appealing to the masses.
MD: Man, that ain’t no problem. Lots of folks are singing the blues lately! With the way things are today, most everybody is livin' the blues! And I know the blues, baby! I grew up on the mean streets of Buzzardbait. I have lived the blues!”
CU: But your parents were both professionals, if I’ve done my homework correctly. Your father was the first black dentist in Buzzardbait, and retired a wealthy man. Your mother was one of three of the founders of Kentucky Fricasseed Chicken here in Buzzardbait. She later sold her interests to some New York investment firm for millions of dollars. You went to the Buzzardbait School for the Well-To-Do, and graduated at the top of your class. You attended college at Yale and didn’t take up being a musician until after you retired from the Findem, Suem and Skrewem Law Firm.
MD: Man, did you dig up my arrest record, too?
CU: Actually, you have never served time in jail, and as far as we could find out, never did anything that was considered illegal, immoral or remotely related to living the Blues Lifestyle.
MD: Are you trying to ruin my career? Look, I am trying to earn a livin’ here! Stop telling everyone about my past, okay? Yeah, I did my time in corporate America. I paid my taxes and lived a damned good life. But the Blues got a hold of me and changed me from what I was into what I am today!
CU: Fair enough.
MD: Damn, you ain’t right; trying to mess up a good thing for me!
CU: Now, you do a lot of promotions for Dingleberry Wine. We checked the records and found that you made nearly a half-million last year for your commercials and other endorsements for the local winery.
MD: Yeah, so?
CU: Isn’t that like living the anti-blues lifestyle?
MD: Look, here’s the deal. I drink the wine and they pay me for my services and promote my CD’s and concerts heavily. Now, you got a problem with makin’ some dough?
CU: Not in the least. What I’m trying to get at is that...
MD: Look, man... I ain’t got no reason not to make money. It’s what America is all about! When some respectable person makes money, it’s called business. When a musician makes it, it’s called making a damned living! And I make a damned good livin’!
CU: Yes you do. Last year was a banner year for you. Your four releases sold nearly ten million CD’s last year. You get $5 a pop from the sales of your CD’s. That’s nearly fifty-million dollars!
MD: And rightly so, man! I earned my livin’! I play my ass off nearly every night somewhere across this great land of ours! Don’t think for a minute I haven’t earned every last dime of that. Now if I could just keep what I earned. The damned government wants to keep on takin' and takin' and handing it out to the banks, the car companies and a bunch of welfare cheats! I say screw em! Let em get out there and get a real job!
I earn my money, and I wanna keep it! You got a problem with that?
CU: I’m not saying that. I’m saying...
MD: Look, man... I have spent my career trying to be the very best bluesman on the planet. I've record more CD's than that damned BB King ever thought of doin’! Old John Lee Hooker never did half of what I do! And don’t even get me started of the damned Blues Brothers... Although they did give me the idea of making music instead of representing gutter scum, morons and thieves in court!
CU: You represented politicians in court?
MD: Yeah, man. Some of them needed to go to jail and stay there too! Old Charlie Rangel's done enough to serve life several times over. And he's just one of many that needs to see the inside of a jail cell and live the blues, iff'n you know what I mean? Maybe be some hoss' prison bitch. Oh, they'll be singing the blues in no time! But to answer your question, yeah! And that's what I like about the blues. I can play my music and not have to deal with those lowlifes!
CU: So, in other words, you have enjoyed your career?
MD: Damn skippy, I have!
CU: I hate to ask this, but what are your political views?
MD: I am an non-political kinda guy, man. Politics are for those that can’t hold down a steady gig, iff'n you know what I mean?
CU: Would you call yourself a Democrat, Republican or Independent?
MD: Are you asking me who I voted for in the last election?
CU: Well, not in so many words, but yes!
MD: Between you and me, I didn’t like either guy running. The old dude is a waffler and the other dude is a commie-loving... Well, you catch my drift!
CU: So you didn’t vote for anyone?
MD: I voted for the chick, baby!
CU: Hillary?
MD: Not that skank, man! The good looking one from up north!
CU: Sarah Palin from Alaska?
MD: Yeah, man! She’s the kinda woman I could be hanging out with and drinkin’ some wine and... Well, you know how that goes?
CU: But she’s married.
MD: So?
CU: Uh, never mind!
MD: Look here, man, I live the blues, baby! And there ain’t nothing that says the blues more than shaggin’ some married woman and making her man cry the blues!
CU: Or hunting you down and shooting you with a moose rifle!
MD: Well, there’s that, yeah!
CU: Well, thanks for sitting down with us today, Milo. Our readers will appreciate the open and honest story of your life.
MD: My pleasure. (Checking his watch) Damn, it’s time to go record. I better make a liquor store run before though. I’m running low on Dingleberry Wine!
CU: Need a ride?
MD: Nah, man. I got my limo driver for that!
This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by:
He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, it usually is snuck into the hospital he happens to be recovering in.
Tres Equis - Stay thirsty... And away from the bulls, my friends!
