GOOD FRIDAY EDITION!
Buzzardbait High Preparing for Prom Night
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Okay, if any of you parents remember last year's prom, you probably spent it bailing out your kids from jail. Well, this year, Buzzardbait High School is sending the following warning to all of the seniors parents.
Notice to parents:
Buzzardbait High School will be putting on their annual Senior Dance on Friday, May 27th. This years theme is It's Finally Time to Get Out of Hell!
Chaperone's are once again requested to attend this year dance as the high school hopes to avoid the brawl that overwhelmed the two teachers who chaperoned for the last two years. The dance has become dangerous and we need parents who can still control their children to please attend.
Anyone who recalls the damage to the school, the parking lot, and part of downtown Buzzardbait over the last two years will also note that over 90% of the graduating seniors missed graduation day due to the bail hearings.
The brawls that have rolled out into the streets must stop. We are the only school in Ammo County to post more arrests records in the newspaper than graduation reports. Please, let's stop this from getting worse!
If you wish to be one of the chaperone's, the requirements include the following: being able to stand for four hours without need for sitting and/or bathroom breaks; ownership of at least one firearm, and the ability to bench press 300 pounds - as some of our students are fairly good sized. Also, anyone with pepper spray or a Louisville Slugger baseball bat (Except for aluminum bats) may carry those items again this year. We are also considering electric cattle prods for use this year as well. Last year they were nixed due to a shortage of D-cell batteries. We have an ample stock this year, so bring them if you have them.
Benefits to the chaperone's include free food and soft drinks (Sven Jorgensens Cajun Sushi and Chinese Buffet and Sludge Cola is once again providing the food and drinks for the dance). Also, Findem, Suem and Skrewem, Attorneys at Law, will be handling assault charges levied against chaperone's for a discounted fee.
Any interested parent should contact Principal Willard Wanghammer during school hours.
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