A special Derby Day Edition of The Curious Urinal

Pending Lawsuit over Botched Butt Lift

Erma Hyrump of Coochie Crest, just south of Poon Point, is suing Dr . Phil Eweup of the Buzzardbait Clinic and Lube and Oil Center for a botched butt lift. Mrs. Hyrump claims that her lift has been totally destroyed due to the failed surgery.
She claims that while visiting family, Mrs. Hyrump was too embarrassed to have her face shown in any family photos due to the surgery that has left her disfigured.
A spokesperson from the Buzzardbait Clinic portion of the business claimed that they knew nothing of any lawsuits and did not comment further, except to say that they were having a special on Front end alignments and boob jobs this week.
This photo was submitted by Mrs Hyrump. You be the judge.















And in other news

A rainy Kentucky Derby is expected.
With the looming thunderstorms in the forcast, Churchill Downs is expecting a soggy Kentuck Derby. But the crowds are not worried, as the Fastest 2 Minutes in Sports could last even longer with a muddy track expected to slow the race down.




Some of the crowd waiting in line to get insode the infield for the Kentucky Derby

Happy Friday to all. Since it's Serial Day, I'm doing a Twofer... If you like these, click on an ad... If not, click on all of them LOL. Thanks.

Episode 2

Space . . . The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Entercourse. Its ongoing mission, to seek out new life and new alien titty bars. To boldly come where no man had gone before!
(cue cheesy theme music)
STAR TREXXX

Captains log, Stardate: 36-24-36.1...
We are on a mission to Seta Alpha Damya to investigate an incident there. So far, we haven’t been able to communicate with anyone on the planet.


Capt. Squirt: Mr. Splotch?

Mr. Splotch: Yes, Captain?

Capt. Squirt: What can you tell me about the planet?

Mr. Splotch: Well, it’s round; it has clouds and really funny looking aliens on it.

Capt. Squirt: Very insightful. (Turning to communications) Oldhora?

Oldhora: Yeah, baby?

Capt. Squirt: Anything to report?

Oldhora: Well, I have a runner in my pantyhose and I need to go pee!

Capt. Squirt: Dismissed. (He watches Oldhora enter the turboshaft) Mr. Jacoff?

Mr. Jacoff: Aye, Capteen?

Capt. Squirt: Are the weapons ready?

Mr. Jacoff: I could ask them if you’d like, but they never seem to answer me when I ask.

Capt. Squirt: I see. (Turning back to Splotch) Anything happening out there?

Mr. Splotch: Currently, there are several native fowl shitting on the hull.

Capt. Squirt: Have a detail go clean that up.

Mr. Splotch: Captain, if I might venture an idea?

Capt. Squirt: What is it?

Mr. Splotch: An idea? Well it’s a thought that...

Capt. Squirt: Your idea, Splotch. What is your idea?

Mr. Splotch: I seem to recall a starship wash just three lightyears to our left when we entered this system

Capt. Squirt: Executive thinking, Mr. Splotch.

(Just then, Dr, Lemard ‘Boner’ MyToy entered the bridge)

Dr. MyToy: Now you wait just one damned minute, Captain Sir. It’s one thing to prepare for war, and another thing to prepare for war!

Capt. Squirt: Uh, yes. Point taken, Boner!

Dr. MyToy: In that case, I’ll retire to the bar for a drink.

Mr. Jacoff: Capteen, I’m picking up enema wessels.

Capt. Squirt: Enema wessels? Oh, enemy vessels!

Mr. Jakoff: That’s what I said!

Capt. Squirt: Evasive maneuvers.

Oldhora: Captain, baby. I have the head of planetary security on the line.

Capt. Squirt: On screen.

(The view screen is suddenly filled with a face of a very ugly alien)

Capt. Squirt: Holy shit! Is that your face or did someone need to take a crap?

Alien: You will leave this planet immediately.

Capt. Squirt: I’m Captain Slim T. Squirt. By whose authority do you speak?

Alien: Huh?

Capt: Squirt: Who’s your boss?

Alien: Ah, That would be Magagagastagawaga.

Capt. Squirt: (looking toward Splotch) I thought that was a Clingox VD?

Alien: You dare insult the Great Magagagastagawaga?

Capt. Squirt: Only if he insults me!

Alien: He insulted you? How dare he!

Capt. Squirt: Yeah!

Alien: Wait, I’m confused!

Capt. Squirt: And I’m Captain Slim T. Kirk.

Will Captain Squirt avoid a hostile confrontation? Will the alien figure out what’s going on? And will healthcare reform actually make you sick? These and other questions will be answered next time on Star Trexxx!


And now, Since it's a twofer Friday... Here's another semi-exciting episode.

Episode 3

Space . . . The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Entercourse. Its ongoing mission, to seek out new life and new alien titty bars. To boldly come where no man had gone before!
(cue cheesy space-like music)
STAR TREXXX

Captains log, supplemental - After making contact with the ugly alien, we were given coordinates to beam down to meet with their leader, Magagagastagawaga.

Capt. Squirt: Phazers on stun, keep your eyes open.

Mr. Splotch: Who are you talking to, Captain?

Capt. Squirt: (Looking around) I thought I was beaming down with armed troops?

Mr. Splotch: Starfleeter Regulation 22: When the captain tells you he’s beaming down, then under no circumstances does anyone go without the expressed written permission of Starfleeter Command, in triplicate, and we must wait six to eight weeks for a response.

Captain Squirt: By the books as always, you pointed-eared moron!

Mr. Splotch: Need I remind the captain that I am a Vulpan. Moron’s have three legs and a tendency to drool out their anus.

Capt. Squirt: I stand corrected! Well, I suppose I could go this alone. I haven’t had a fight with an alien species since my cadet days.

Mr. Splotch: It would be logical to forewarn you of the dangers of beaming directly into a hostile situation, Captain. Starfleeters Regulation 69 expressly mandates that the captain be accompanied by the first officer, in which case I should come along.

Capt. Squirt: Yes, I’m well aware of the protocols, Splotch, but you remember the last time you accompanied me on an away mission?

Mr. Splotch: I do not seem to recall ever going on any away missions with you, Sir.

Capt. Squirt: That’s because you drank a fifth of Rumulan Ale and passed out. You were asleep for three freakin’ days!

Mr. Splotch: Ah, yes. That was when my ass was sore when I had awakened.

Capt. Squirt: Don’t look at me. You’re not my type!

Mr. Splotch: I may have to ask Dr. MyToy about that. You know he’s always up my ass about something!

Capt. Squirt: Yes. In the meantime, beam me down, Splotchy!

(The whirl of energy dematerializes the captain, and transports him to the assigned coordinates... In the middle of an alien titty bar)

Alien: Captain Squirt. You’re right on time.

Capt. Squirt: For what?

Alien: Happy hour!

Capt. Squirt: Far out! But, in the meantime, take me to your leader!

Alien: Wow, that’s so cliche!

Capt. Squirt: I have a lousy writer.

Alien: So I’ve noticed.

(The alien led the captain to the leader of the planet)

Capt. Squirt: Magagagastagawaga, I presume?

Maga: Just call me Maga, Captain. Please have a drink.

Capt. Squirt: Tequilla.

(The bartender hands the captain his drink)

Maga: So, I take it you received my message?

Capt. Squirt: Starfleeter got your requests, yes. I was sent here to investigate the incident and report back to command with my findings.

Maga: And what have you found out thus far?

Capt. Squirt: Well, so far, I have found a planet full of ugly aliens and a distaste for buggery. And I also discovered that congress cannot seem to read the laws they pass!

Maga: I see. So you can help with our troubles then?

Capt. Squirt: On one condition.

Maga: What would that be?

Capt. Squirt: You turn loose of my leg and get your tentacles off my ass.

Maga: But I thought you might be interested in some extraterrestrial lovin’... Was I mistaken?

Capt. Squirt: Uh, are you a female?

Maga: Of course, silly goose!

Capt. Squirt: Your place or mine?

Will Captain Squirt go above and beyond the call of duty to strengthen ties between Earth and Seta Alpha Damya. Will he be able to take care of business despite his distaste for buggery? And will Congress ever read the laws they pass? Tune in again next week for another episode of Star Trexxx!

It's time once again for... Too Incredibly Freakin' Stupid News

No Toys with my Happy Meal?
(source ABC News) - County officials in Santa Clara, CA, the home of Silicon Valley, are trying to curb childhood obesity. They voted Tuesday to ban restaurants from giving away toys and other freebies that often come with high-calorie meals aimed at kids.
The ordinance is largely symbolic as it would only cover unincorporated areas of Santa Clara County, meaning only about a dozen fast-food outlets and several other family-owned restaurants would be affected.
The ordinances chief sponsor says it's still important because it paves the way for other areas to act, may spur action by fast-food chains to offer healthier choices and can help parents by taking away a child's incentive for wanting less healthy food.

Okay, let me get this straight... Happy meals and other child meals can't have toys or goodies? What the hell is wrong with those people? Half the time the kids are too preoccupied with the toys to eat the food you have to buy to get it. It makes the kids happy and the parents a little less frazzled.
I know... One in four children in this country are obese. Well, I don't think a little plastic toy is the cause of it, nor the 'Children's Menu' choices at the fast food restaurants. It is the freakin video games that the kids are allowed to play for hours on end, sitting on the couch without any exercise (with exception to maybe their thumbs). How about making PE classes mandatory in schools? How about mom and dad limiting the time the kids can play the video games, and make them go outside and play for a change? How about someone in California using some freakin' common sense... Wait, most everyone with common sense has since left California with their Draconian taxes and ignorant, 'I know what's good for you' politicians. This country is going to hell fast with high unemployment, even higher taxes, and our so-called leaders are telling us we can't have salt, or the kids can't have a freakin' toy with their happy meal? I think it's time to vote a bunch of these idiots out of office before we're all forced to eat bean sprouts and tofu!

Actress Upset over Global Warming Sceptics
(source Fox News) - Since global warming has become a hotly debated topic recently, as many people are now questioning whether it is an issue worthy of serious concern or whether it’s simply a marketing term concocted by “green” companies to boost their profile and profits..
But Brooke Shields is concerned about the skepticism against global warming is Hollywood.
“It all upsets me because I feel like we keep losing sight of simpler, smaller things,” Shields stated. “I don’t know what is true or not, I only know what I can do on a daily basis because I believe in it. Whether I am turning the water off in between brushing my teeth, which my little daughter is the police of, or I am recycling, or switching my products or using an energy saving washing machine…. I just have to do the best that I can do and keep doing more.”

Hey Brooke, Saint Al Gore is a lying sack of bovine biomass (that's the politically correct term for bullshit!). The scientists have fudged the data so much to show global warming where none exist. It’s the weather! It changes from year to year. It’s been happening since day one on this planet and will continue to change long after your 15 minutes of fame (which has long past expired, by the way) comes to an end. If you like to conserve, great. But don’t fall prey to the Green Goblins out there telling you that the sky is falling! You graduated from Princeton, so you should be intelligent enough to know the truth from a lie!

Mt. Ararat Ark site?
(source Yahoo News) - A team of Chinese and Turkish evangelical explorers believe that they have found the remains of the Biblical artifact, Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat. Wood from the site has been carbon-dated and it is apparently 5,800 years old, corresponding to the time of the Great Flood in the Bible.

After investigating their findings, the team went into a large holding area where they found the skeletal remains of two Unicorns still chained to a post. One of the scientists was overheard stating, “Well, that answered that question!”

Apple Needs to Do More to Keep Porn off iPhones, Watchdog Group Says
(source Fox News) - The "Dirty Fingers Screen Wash" application is just one of a host of apps pulled from iTunes for inappropriate material. But some argue that Apple hasn't gone far enough.
A socially conservative media watchdog group says a wealth of pornographic apps are currently available for iPhone users.

Currently though, there is no apps available for Naked Sheep, Midget Cheerleaders or Dykes on Bikes!

New Law: It's Illegal to be Illegal!
(source Fox News) - The Mexican government has officially warned its citizens to use extreme caution if visiting Arizona because of a tough new law that requires all immigrants and visitors to carry U.S.-issued documents or risk arrest.
Community Organizer in Chief, Barack Obama, also criticized the law, saying it could lead to harassment of Hispanics, and he called for bipartisan support to fix America's broken immigration system. Two senior officials in his government said the Arizona law may face a legal challenge by federal authorities.

Sounds to me like the state of Arizona has pissed off Mexico City and Washington DC at the same time by making illegal immigration ‘illegal!’ Obama should be worried as someone isn't blindly following his lead to allow as many new undocumented Democrat voters into the country before the November mid-term elections.

Australian restaurant hit with fine
The 'Thai Spice Restaurant' was levied a fine after employees refused to let a blind man inside because they thought his guide dog was a gay dog. The Equal Opportunity Tribunal ruled that the restaurant in Adelaide must pay the dogs owner, Ian Jolly, almost $1,400 for barring him from eating because of confusion about the sexuality of his guide dog, Nudge.
Thai Spice owners Hong Hoa Thi To and Anh Hoang Le say trouble arose when one of the waiters misunderstood a request. They claim an employee struggled to understand Jolly’s partner, Chris Lawrence, who has a thick Australian accent, believing Lawrence "to be saying she wanted to bring a gay dog into the restaurant" -- not a guide dog.

That’s the problem with Thai restaurants in Australia... No one can understand a damned thing anyone says. G’day mates.