Fireworks Light up Buzzardbait
By Staff Reporter Willie Whanker
Last night was just an ordinary night for Buzzardbait. Softball games in the park; walking the dog down the street; an explosion that created mayhem.
Buzzardbait Big Bang Fireworks and Bait Shop had just opened their tent to the public for the Memorial Day/Fourth of July fireworks buyers when the unthinkable happened. Sitting out in the furthest parking area near Big Dick's Hot Dog Stand, Buzzardbait Big Band Fireworks and Bait Shop opened to much hoopla. Music filled the air as several shoppers were pulling up to see what the fireworks store had for sale.
But in an instant, chaos rained down from the sky.
Someone tossed a careless cigarette from their car window as they passed the tent. The wind caught it just right and carried it into the tent, where it came to rest on a table full of M-80's and Roman candles.
The resulting explosion rocked the area. neighbors a mile away reported feeling, then hearing the explosion. Detective Inspector of the Buzzardbait Police Department, reported that he was sitting at Big Dick's Hot Dog Stand when the explosion took place. "Suddenly, the entire area lit up, and the noise was deafening. Stuff began falling from the sky. It was a mess!"
Owner Sid "Pyro" Mania reported that his entire inventory, estimated to be nearly $60,000 in fireworks, went up in smoke. Along with the fireworks being lost, over a thousand worms lost their lives in the blast. Mr. Mania has no plans to reopen his business.
Buzzardbait Library Offers Summer Reading Program
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Buzzardbait Library and Moose Lodge has listed several books for avid readers to enjoy this summer. The following is a partial list of those books:
Hare in my Mouth - By Adolph Oliver Busch : The story of a man, a woman, a rabbit, and a barn in the middle of a windstorm in 1890's Kansas.
Dutch Oven - By Ima Gaggen : The tale of two men discovering gas in 1850's Oklahoma.
On Golden River - By I.P. Freeley : Set in California during the Gold Rush years, our hero must cross a mighty river to reap his reward.
Antlers in the Treetops - By Whogoose D. Moose - A hunting trip turns into a nightmare for a group of friends in 1930's Alaska.
Fishing for Lung Oysters - By Hugo Hockaloogie - The tale of three fishermen in post Civil War Alabama.
Tales of The White Swallow - By Ima Cummins - The tragic story of a little bird that fell from the sky, only to be crushed to death by an eighteen wheeler in post apocalyptic New Jersey.
Making Home Movies for Profit - By Peter Grippenhand - The autobiographical story of how a young director lost his mind, but finally managed to get a firm grasp on himself in Hollywood.
This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by:
Remember kids - There's a toy surprise in each and every box of Monkey Nuts Cereal! This time, we have 25 different versions of real, fake, artificial, faux Monkey Poop.
Collect them all!
Monkey Nuts Cereal - Another fine product of CCCoA
(Consolidated Cybernetics Corporation of America)
Buzzardbait, KY.
