Afternoon Edition
Local Nightspot Celebrates
Buzzardbait Days
By New Staff Reporter Harry Greasydik
Well, it's that time of year again. Wednesday night was a special night at Big Al's Titty Emporium. All of the usual dignitatries from all over Ammo County were in attendance to celebrate the Anniversary of Buzzardbait's founding.
The crowd was enthusiastic as the celebration spilled outside Big Al's Lap Dance Shed at the Titty Emporium. Among the activities this year was Corn Hole, Bobbing for Condoms, and a Deep-fried Twinkie Eating Contest.
Most of Ammo County was in attendence for the celebration. Many of the Buzzardbait Chamber of Commerce refused to attend though, as they were protesting the celebration being held at Big Al's place yet again. Most of the Chamber of Commerce wanted to celebrate the party at Big Dick's Hot Dog Stand, but County Judge Clyde Forkem said that Big Al's Titty Emporium had always held the party, since they had the biggest beer cooler in all of Ammo County.
A few of the attendees were retrospective about the event. Take Oliver Closeoff. He said in his annual speech, "Two-hundred and some odd years ago, this town was nothing more than a shithole. Now, it's the epicenter of big business and modern living! We're livin' large now!"
Oliver Closeoff, The Ammo County Road Commisioner,
is seen enjoying himself during the festivities.
One of Big Al's dancers, Candy Glitterlick said, "This is about as much fun as this past New Year's Party. I must have given at least fifty lap dances that night. I'm over halfway there now! My ass is gonna be sore tomorrow!"
County Judge, Clyde Forkem, took a break
from the fun to take an important call.
The highlite of the evening was when Blues Legend, and spokesman for Dingleberry Wine, Milo Days, stepped up to the microphone and began belting out an unrelenting rendition of 'I got the Big-Breastedest Woman Blues!'
Blues Legend Milo Days
When it was all said and done, the celebration was enjoyed by the packed house at Big Al's Titty Emporium. Even Big Al himself had to say, "This was a lot more fun than last year when half the girls had a bad case of crabs. We took a hit in the lap dance derby that night, I can tell you. But this year looks to be a banner year!"
