Talk About a Potty Mouth!
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Have you bought the new 'Play and Giggle Doll,' which are sold exclusively at Toys B Like Us stores? Well, they are causing concern with some customers, who say the doll can be heard emitting a phrase that apparently contains a curse word.
Customers who were shown the baby doll at the Buzzardbait Toys B Like Us had mixed reactions on what the doll in question was saying.
"I think it said 'how you doing, witch?'' one female shopper said.
'It sounded like 'how you doing, bitch?' to me!'" another lady said.
Then the doll said, "Play with me, asshole!"
"Did that doll just call me an asshole?" The first woman asked.
"Yes, asshole, it did!" The other woman said.
Then the fight was on. As the women fought in the parking lot, the doll began chanting, "Bash the bitches head in, asshole!"
I put the doll down and began walking away quickly.
The doll said, "Come back here, you woosy!"
I later returned to the store and purchased the latest 'Tickle Me Again Elmer' doll. The latest version of the beloved Tickle Me Elmer line apparently says, "Tickle me one more time and I'll bitch slap your little pansy ass!"
"I think that's just so adorable!" A woman replied. "I wish I had that one!"
Another shopper said, "The last one was so annoying, I used it as a dog toy. My neighbors dog really loved it."
"So that's why my dog died! You killed it!"
Then the fight was on. Elmer began chanting, "Kill em! Kill em all!" And laughed in a maniacal tone. Horns began sprouting from its fuzzy head, and I dropped it and began running away quickly.
Elmer said, "Come back here, you woosy!"
Reporters note: Needless to say, two fights later, I'm giving out gift cards for Christmas this year!
And in Other Local News:
Have you ever walk by a Hooters and thought, "This place is just cheap thrills for men. Why do men want to waste so much time in there?" Well, here in Buzzardbait, people are wondering the same thing -- only this time, it's women who are flocking to a Hooters-style restaurant catering to those who like men.
Peckers opened up its doors last week, and is already a hit with the local women.
Anita Mann, local real estate agent, spent about $200 on the house specialty, Chicken Thingies, and a pitcher of Schitts Beer. "This place is a dream come true for women! Scantly clad men, all muscled-up, and shiny with oil, serving up the food and drink with a smile, and a Speedo!"
And just like the Hooters staff, these waiters use their charm (and good looks) to garner tips and marriage proposals.
But local feminist, and grade school teacher, Donita Mann (Anita's Sister) disagrees with the entire spectacle. "If they really think that I'm going to spend a dime in this place, they must be crazy!" She abruptly left her sister with the check ($200 plus tip) and drove away. But Anita didn't mind at all. "See that stud over there, Raul? He's taking me all the way... Home... Later." She giggled and blushed.
And even the men can enjoy this place. Dougie Dume (pronounced do-me) said, "Oh, this place is fabulous! I just love the food, and the atmosphere is just so dreamy. Hi Raul!" Dougie smiled. "He's such a flirt!"
So if you're in Buzzardbait, drop by Peckers and see what the buzz is all about.
Peckers is located at Fifth and Main in Downtown Buzzardbait, across the street from Erma's Massage Parlor and Enema Emporium.
This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by:
Next time your kids ask, "Hey Mom... What's for breakfast?"
How about you saying, "A big honking bowl of Monkey Nuts!"
Monkey Nuts Cereal...
Taste as great as its name!
