Anthony Weiner
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
This week has been an extremely difficult one for Rep. Weiner. Weinergate (TM) had thrown the volatile Democratic Congressman in hot water with his party. The Curious Urinal decided to investigate by speaking with Mr. Weiner - one on one - to clear the air once and for all.
CU: Thank you for sitting down with us today.
AW: Yeah. Hold on, I'm tweeting a friend in Seattle.
CU: Of course. (Watching as the congressman dropped his trousers and snapped a picture with his cell phone).
AW: (Pulling his pants up) Sorry about that. So what was it you wanted to talk about?
CU: Representative Hot Dog, you...
AW: Weiner. That's Representative Weiner, not Hot Dog.
CU: Sorry. I was thinking about what I was going to have for lunch.
AW: Okay, no problem then.
CU: So, Representative Weiner, you have recently been facing allegations that you have sent lewd photos of yourself to someone through Twitter. What say you?
AW: I cannot confirm or deny that which I have no idea what happened. I think my Twitter account was hacked.
CU: But you just said you had no idea what...
AW: Excuse me a moment. (Again, Rep. Weiner stood up and dropped his trousers, snapping a photo of his junk with his cell phone). Damn, the light's not that good in here. (He again takes a photo using a flash). Ah, that's better. (He pulls his pants up and sits again). I have a friend that collects these.
CU: So, you're saying that you didn't send any photos to anyone?
AW: I cannot say with any certainty that I know for a fact that my account was hacked. I mean... Hold on... (Once more the trousers hit the floor and a crotch shot is taken with the cell phone's camera). Ohhh! Good one.
CU: (Showing Rep. Weiner a photo that was sent to someone in Seattle) But this is you, right?
AW: I can definitively say that I did not send this. (Again, he stands and dropped his pants and took another picture). My friend in Seattle can confirm that I didn't sent that picture.
CU: (Again watching Mr. Weiner getting dressed again). So you are denying it is you in the picture?
AW: I have photographs. I don't know what photographs are out there in the world of me.
CU: So it could be you in the picture then?
AW: It could be. I cannot say with any certitude that is is or isn't what it appears to be.
CU: So, can you explain how this was sent to some young woman in Seattle?
Anthony Weiner in his
Welcome Back Kotter days
as Arnold Horshack
CU: Okay then, let's change the subject. Did you ever see The Rocky Horror Picture Show?
AW: I cannot confirm or deny that I have, yes.
CU: My favorite character in that movie was Frank N. Furter.
Anthony Weiner as
Frank N. Furter
AW: Okay, I get it. It's a bad joke about my name, right?
CU: Of course not, sir. I was just asking a question and making references to... Anyway, as I was saying...
AW: I see. Hold on. (Once again, pants around the ankles, he snaps a picture and sends it out. Pants back up, he sits down again). Sorry, what were you saying?
CU: I said, one of my favorite movies was The Bank Dick with W.C. Fields.
AW: You know, I get it. I was teased as a child. The bullies, all conservatives mind you, teased me because of my name. That's why I became a liberal. That way I could crucify those bastards!
CU: I see. So, did anyone ever pick you up, shove you in a bun and put ketchup and relish on you? (Hardly able to contain my laughter).
AW: Excuse me? How dare you! I... Hold on... (Once again, the Weiner-man dropped trousers and snapped a pic). She's gonna love that one! It looks so big in that shot.
CU: So, what about you wife? How does she feel about this Weinergate situation?
AW: I cannot confirm or deny that she even knows about anything other than the lies I normally tell her... I mean, the lies the Conservative media has told her.
CU: So, you're saying that she's okay with you snapping pictures of yourself in your speedo and sending them to a friend in Seattle?
AW: What are you implying? Look, I have serious work to do in Washington. My work is important so the liberals can take over America and then the world... I mean... Uh, Excuse me... (Once again, he stands and drops his pants).
CU: Thanks for you time, Mr. Wang...
AW: Weiner! Anthony Weiner... Oh, she's gonna love this one!
Disclaimer: Weinergate is a TM of Insert Name HereGate Industries. Any usage of the term in relation to anyone is purely out of love and not meant to be a copyright infringement.
