The Curious Urinal Interview: Mel Gibson.

In an exclusive interview with The Curious Urinal, Mel Gibson sits down with us to explain about his troubles with ex-girlfriend Oksasa Grigorieva.











Warning, some details of this interview are not intended for children under the age of 18!

CU: Thanks for sitting down with us today, Mr, Gibson.

MG: No problem. Always happy to speak to my fans.

CU: Let's get straight to it. Pertaining to your recent problems with you ex-girlfriend, you have been recorded saying some rather hateful things. At one point calling Ms. Grigorieva a “Las Vegas whore that looked like a bunch of (explicative) could gang rape her.” First of all, are these allegations true? If so, why would you say such things?

MG: I thought this interview was going to be about my career! You (explicative)! Where the (explicative) do come off (explicative) asking me such a dumb (explicative) question? What the (explicative) did I (explicative) do to you? Are you a (explicative) dumb (explicative)? I could snap your (explicative) neck like a (explicative) toothpick, you fat little (explicative) (explicative)(explicative)!

CU: But I thought that if you could calmly enlighten the readers...

MG: I've got your (explicative) calmly (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) right here, mother (explicative)! You little (explicative)! I'll bust your (explicative) head open like a (explicative) water (explicative) melon!

CU: Mr. Gibson, details of the case have been leaked, including the recording of you saying these awful things. We at the Curious Urinal simply want to allow you to set the record straight.

MG: The Curious (explicative) Urinal can kiss my (explicative) (explicative)! What kind of a (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) piece of (explicative) name is that for a (explicative) newspaper?

CU: Mr. Gibson...

MG: (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative)! And furthermore, (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) and the horse you rode in on! (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative)!

With that, he punched me in the nose and walked off. Then he came back and said,

MG: And something else! (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) (explicative) you!

And with that, he stormed out of the room.



And now for something completely different...



Facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying: It's raining cats and dogs.

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way. Hence the word threshold.

(And you thought this was a stupid blog, didn't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.

Now you know where some of our customs and sayings come from!

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Is the New Black Panther Party Racist?

Malik Shabazz, the head of the New Black Panther Party, is defending his organization against accusations that it is racist against white people. This comes after a voter intimidation case against Black Panther members from the 2008 election returned to the spotlight this month, all amid accusations that race played a factor in the Justice Department abandoning the case. Shabazz says the organization is focused on civil rights, not racial attacks. He said this while grabbing an elderly white woman in a headlock and beating her repeatedly in the face with a Jim Crowbar.

The accusations also comes after a video showing King Shaber Shabaz (who gives their children names like this?) stated that White "Krackers" should be killed, along with their "Kracker Babies!"

The Department Of Justice, led by Eric Holder, dropped the case. Holder then resigned from the DOJ, joined the New Black Panthers, and changed his name to Butcher Whitie. He later declared war on White America.

Klu Klux Klan head, Joe 'Bubba' Mitiwite, has Twittered that he has invite the Black Panthers to Alabama to have it out in a no-holds barred, fight to the finish. So far, no word if the Black Panthers will accept the invitation to the smack-down.

This Report was brought to you by the following advertiser:

When life becomes far too complicated, and nothing seems right with the world, many people simply withdraw from it. They shelter themselves in a cocoon of reality TV and Bon Bons. They escape by watching pointless sitcoms, or police shows that have so many spin-offs that no one can keep track of them. They live in small apartments, large houses and yes, even trailers. These are the people that believe OJ was innocent and that the government is here to help us. They believe in UFO's and believe that Michael Jackson and Elvis were space aliens. They exist in worlds of their own choosing, and cannot function in modern-day America without the assistance of their GPS, Twitter, or any other Social Network that caters to people, like themselves - Mind-numbed zombies that listen to Rap music and think Brad Pitt is too good for Angelina Jolie. They constantly talk on their cell phones, text without end and simply cannot do without anything that someone else might have. They live for Starbucks, Walmart, and anything concerning Oprah. These people need our help.

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Pastor Fired For Saying 'Jesus'

A North Carolina pastor was relieved of his duties as an honorary chaplain of the state house of representatives after he closed a prayer by invoking the name of Jesus.

“I got fired,” said the pastor of a Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, NC. He had been invited to lead prayer for an entire week but his tenure was cut short when he refused to remove the name Jesus from his invocation.

The trouble began during the week of May 31. He said a House Clerk asked to see his prayer. The invocation including prayers for our military, state lawmakers and a petition to God asking him to bless North Carolina.”

“When I handed it to the lady, I watched her eyes and they immediately went right to the bottom of the page and the word Jesus and she said ‘We would prefer that you not use the name Jesus. We have some people here that can be offended.’”

When he decided to not remove Jesus from the prayer, the pastor was immediately fired.

The House Clerk, Basheba Muhammed, screamed 'Allah Akbar' and then blew up the assemblage. No word if charges will be filed against the pastor.

Government: Gulf Seafood Being Tested

So far, government testing shows no worrisome levels of oil contamination in shrimp, grouper, tuna and other seafood caught along the fringes of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. "They are are safe to eat," according to a federal agency inspector, Ima Lyon.

"We have taken around 400 samples of commonly consumed species caught mostly in open waters and have chemically tested them. So far, none of them have shown levels of contaminant that concerns us.
The Food and Drug Administration began catching seafood species in the Gulf within days of the April 20 BP rig explosion off the Louisiana coast that generated a massive oil spill.

"We're looking for polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, or PAHs. That's the most common carcinogenic components of crude oil. Seafood inspectors also have been sniffing out oily product. One fish sample has failed the smell test, but did not show concerning levels of contaminants" She added. "The guys said the seafood smelled just like a New Orleans hooker, and that was bad!"

But local seafood restaurant owner, Charlie DeTuna, stated, "I just changed the oil in my El Camino with three shrimp, a sea bass, and one of those three-eyed groupers. Afterwards, I sold them to my customers and they said they were delicious!"

Uganda Attacks Mark Bloody End to World Cup

Two suicide bombers blew up a home in Uganda during a World Cup party. The attack marks the first time al-Shabab has reached out beyond the borders of Somalia, where the militia has seized control of large swathes of territory and established a strict and brutal form of Islamic law in its wake.

The group claimed responsibility for the blasts Monday, saying its militants would carry out attacks "against our enemy" wherever they are. "No one will deter us from performing our Islamic duty," said Sheik Ali Mohamud Rage, a group spokesman in Mogadishu. He made the statement while brutalizing some women and children.

Sheik Yusuf Sheik Issa, an al-Shabab commander, told reporters early Monday that he was happy with the attacks. "Uganda is one of our enemies. Whatever makes them cry, makes us happy. May Allah's anger be upon those who are against us," Sheik said. He then beheaded a cat because it had dared not respect his authority.

It was earlier believed that the group had bombed the house because they had vuvuzulas there.

In Local News

County Bomb Squad Explodes Suspicious Package

The Ammo County bomb squad blew up a suspicious suitcase. It turned out to be a couple of cans of food and a can opener.

Officers investigating a suspicious suitcase found in Buzzardbait Park and Mud Bog took X-rays of the package. What they saw was several cylinders inside and something that looked like tools, wires, C-4 and packing.

They cleared the area and blew the suitcase up.

A closer inspection after the blast revealed that the suspicious items were a can of cream corn, two cans of tuna, a couple of cans of soda , a container of Cheese Wizz and crackers. And the tools? A can-opener, a fork, an Ipod and a pair of earbuds. The packing was a picnic blanket. No bomb.

After the blast, Johnny Snuffsniffer of Poon Point was arrested for leaving the suitcase near the restrooms. Mr. Snuffsniffer was in the bathroom at the time of the discovery, having a bout of the grippers. He tried to explain to the officers that the sign on the door of the restrooms clearly indicated that nothing could be brought inside, thus he left his suitcase outside the door.

There is no word on when bail will be set for Mr. Snuffsniffer.

The entire incident cost taxpayers $35,000 for the botched investigation.

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News Items from Across the World

Barefoot Bandit has Excuse

19 year old Colton Harris-Moore, a.k.a. known as the Barefoot Bandit, was captured earlier this week in the Bahamas after a high-speed boat chase. Once captured, he began giving excuses for his notorious behavior for the past couple of years.














He claims that someone stole his shoes, thus driving him into a life of crime.


Is Lindsey Lohan's Star Fading?

Lindsay Lohan's star power can't be relied upon to draw large audiences to TV or movie screens any more. In fact, the washed-up has-been can't seem to do anything right these days.

Her latest role, as a defendant in the courtroom only garnered limited interest as her star power has dwindled below that of Pee Wee Herman and Willie the Wonder Weasel (whose last role as Hamlet actually garnered more interest that Lohan's work for several years combined).

Her last starring role, 2007's "I Know Who Killed Me" grossed just $7.5 million. Her TV appearances are now usually shunned by fans of those shows. "Basically, Lindsey Lohan is a star who had her 15 minutes, and should now go back to the trailer park where she can live out the rest of her life as a washed-up drunk that thinks she's better than anyone else!" Ethel Judgya, famed Hollywood Critic for The Daily Crap recently stated. "Hopefully a judge somewhere will sentence her to life in prison for being a bad actress and save our children from seeing her vile, so-called talent ever again!"

But one fan disagree. Judy Drooler, a self-proclaimed Lindsey Lohan fan, said, "I love her. I want to have her babies! I'll do anything to make her happy. I'll cook, clean, do her laundry, then sue her for everything she has once I get tired of her!"















Also, rumor has it that the Mean Girls star is at least $2 million in debt. Allegedly she has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on ho-dog clothing and drugs. No word as of this report is she has found a new attorney since her former lawyer threw up her hands and gave up after Ms. Lohan wrote her a cold check.

And in Publishing news:

Sarah Palin Autobiography Targets Children

A biography of the former Alaska governor and self-described "mama grizzly" is set for release in September by a Christian book publisher.









"Speaking Up: The Sarah Palin Story" is one in a series of biographies aimed at 9- to 12-year-old readers. Others feature 2007 Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow and U2 frontman Bono.

On a similar note, "My Life as a Terrorist-loving Marxist: The Barack Obama Story" is being targeted toward people who hate America and "The Wit and Wisdom of Joe Biden" is coming out as a comedy book aimed at no one in particular.

Breaking News:

Switzerland says it will not extradite director Roman Polanski to the U.S. over 1977 child sex case!

A Swiss judge has declared the Roman Polanki, the famed and infamous director accused of a 1977 sexual abuse case in California, will not face extradition to the US.

Speaking on behalf of the director, Little Sally Victim stated, "Mr. Polanski is very happy with the verdict, Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see him because he has offered to give me a special lollipop for being such a good little girl!"

International News From The Curious Urinal

A Special Report:

Arabs Issue Fatwa Against Vuvuzela

For those of you that don't know, the Vuvuzela is a plastic trumpet, whose drone has been likened to a swarm of bees. It has become the unmistakable background sound of the World Cup. And an annoyance to many who follow the game of Soccer.

Earlier this week, a fatwa was issued by the UAE's General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowments says that above 100 decibels, the buzzing sound of the vuvuzela is "haram"(harmful), The National newspaper reported Friday.

According to the fatwa, the horns can be used only in stadiums if they pose no harm. "And since they sound so damned annoying, the harm is there, so these infidel pieces of plastic must die!" Said Abdul Camelhumper, Head of the Society of Fatwa Issuers Union (SFIU) at the United Arab Emirate's 'We Hate Everything About The West And They Should All Die Community College.'

"Importers and traders must ensure that the power of this infidel thing is not over 100 decibels so as to avoid damaging people's hearing," the ruling declares. "The vuvuzelas in the markets now could produce sounds reaching 127 decibels. Thus they should all die!"

Meanwhile, a few traders cancelled orders for more vuvuzelas after they found the horn could be harmful.

One trader found out that the horns had originally been used by African shamans and witchdoctors. "I searched on the Internet and found some articles regarding it. They were used to bring out devils," he said. "That explains the fatwa! The devils in the UAE have all be unleashed now. Thanks South Africa!"