International News From The Curious Urinal

A Special Report:

Arabs Issue Fatwa Against Vuvuzela

For those of you that don't know, the Vuvuzela is a plastic trumpet, whose drone has been likened to a swarm of bees. It has become the unmistakable background sound of the World Cup. And an annoyance to many who follow the game of Soccer.

Earlier this week, a fatwa was issued by the UAE's General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowments says that above 100 decibels, the buzzing sound of the vuvuzela is "haram"(harmful), The National newspaper reported Friday.

According to the fatwa, the horns can be used only in stadiums if they pose no harm. "And since they sound so damned annoying, the harm is there, so these infidel pieces of plastic must die!" Said Abdul Camelhumper, Head of the Society of Fatwa Issuers Union (SFIU) at the United Arab Emirate's 'We Hate Everything About The West And They Should All Die Community College.'

"Importers and traders must ensure that the power of this infidel thing is not over 100 decibels so as to avoid damaging people's hearing," the ruling declares. "The vuvuzelas in the markets now could produce sounds reaching 127 decibels. Thus they should all die!"

Meanwhile, a few traders cancelled orders for more vuvuzelas after they found the horn could be harmful.

One trader found out that the horns had originally been used by African shamans and witchdoctors. "I searched on the Internet and found some articles regarding it. They were used to bring out devils," he said. "That explains the fatwa! The devils in the UAE have all be unleashed now. Thanks South Africa!"