Researchers Find What Women Want From Men!
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
For countless years, eons even, there has been but one eternal question that has haunted mankind: What makes a woman happy? Well, after years of painstaking research, the scientists of The University of Buzzardbait have finally found the answer.
After interviewing 100 local women, and cross-referencing their findings, a team of researchers came up with the following results. And they may surprise you!
Believe it or not, it's the little things that make women happy.
Time: Of all the things women want, it's the time with their spouse that makes them the happiest. The majority of women interviewed say that getting 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with their husbands each day is what they desire. No more, no less. One woman interviewed stated, "When me an my old man have sex, it's 20 minutes of him drooling over my boobs, three minutes of actual sex, and seven minutes of him talking about what a stud he is. After that, he's snoring like a buzz saw and I pull out my trusty dildo and make myself happy!"
Appreciation: It seems that women want to be appreciated by their mates. Nearly 60% of all women said that they felt under-appreciated by their husbands. The other 40% could care less, since they are having affairs with Raul, the pool boy, down at the Buzzardbait Y.
Understanding: Women want their men to understand them. One woman who was interviewed said, "Men don’t have a clue! We pour our hearts out and they stare at the TV, watching Football, Nascar, or Roller Derby. They have no clue that we've had bad days, and want to talk incessantly about our feelings! The men don't listen! They suck! I just don't understand them!"
Fun: Of the interviewed women, nearly 75 % stated that there is no fun in their relationships. One woman pointed out, "Would it be too hard for a man to want to take me out for dinner, a movie, and maybe some shopping at the mall? But no! They want to hope in the sack, get their jollies, and I have to listen to them bitch about their jobs, their lives, and about seeing their buddies down at Big Al's Titty Emporium."
Job/Money: It is too much to ask that a man actually has a job, earns a paycheck, and then bring that money home to their awaiting wives? According to a majority in the interviews, that is a concern. One woman spoke out, saying, "If he has a job, a car, and maybe a nice life, I want to be a part of that. Then I can change him into a little sniveling little jellyfish, make him want to work overtime to keep from coming home, so he'll make more money for me to spend!"
Also, there was research involved about what men want. After interviewing 100 men, the conclusion the Buzzardbait University researchers found was unanimous:
Boobs and Beer! And not necessarily in that order.
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