English Language Officially Designated Inferior by News Source
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Granted, the English language is probably the hardest language to understand in the world. Conjunctions, verbs and adverbs, nouns and pronouns and past participles sometimes makes even the most fluent in English scratch their heads with wonder.
So, I am sitting at my desk --- minding my own business --- when the boss tossed this headline upon my desk. He complained that Yahoo News is a laughing stock. He said, "They must hire half-trained monkeys and children raised in the jungle as writers and copy editors!"
Well, looking at the headline, I scratched my head, wondering exactly what the headline meant. Here is for your perusal:
Jagger unsure if the Stones of an anniversary tour (actual headline from Yahoo.com News - 9/20/2011)
With this headline, one has to wonder if Mick Jagger is taking speaking lessons from Keith Richards, or that the writers and copy editors at Yahoo are just starting to realize that English is just too hard to get right. So, in the spirit of lampooning Yahoo’s writers and editors, The Curious Urinal has decided to butcher the story based upon the headline.
Mick Jagger unsure if of what he and band mates fellow tour. Charlie Watts was 50th anniversary tour is Jagger and Richards looked at schedule of bus and decided to tour of which.
50 years after, notwithstanding rumors and fans, Jagger cut a record tour as they decide if to when. Why? Know not sure, if Watts and Richards rocking chair tour if Jagger did does too.
Did you understand that? We didn’t either, but if you did, you have been hanging out in Keith Richards bloodstream for far too long.
NASA Satellite Falls to Earth, Pieces Land in Buzzardbait
By Staff Reporter Willie Whanker
Supposedly, there was a 1 in 22 trillion chance (or 1 in 3,200 depending on whom you asked) of any debris hitting anyone on Earth when the NASA satellite, the UARS....Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite, began falling from space (it was slated to fall between Thursday and Saturday). The school bus-sized satellite would enter the atmosphere, and break into pieces. Most of it would burn up in the atmosphere, with the bulk of the debris falling into the ocean. But apparently not all of it did.
Rufus Bumfuzzle of Hooter Heights was in Buzzardbait this morning, stopping at Bizby’s Feed and Seed to get a 50 pound bag of oats for his horse, Bessy, when a large chunk of metal came screaming from the heavens and hit him on the shoulder. Feeling the impact, Mr. Bumfuzzle at first thought it was a bumble bee trying to attack him. He spotted something on the ground by his feet. It was something he had never seen before in his 59 years of life. Bending to pick the twisted metal object from the ground, Mr. Bumfuzzle realized that this particular piece of twisted metal had come from space. The quarter-sized chunk quickly entered his coverall's pocket.
Mr. Bumfuzzle went on to purchase his oats and then hopped in his '57 Dodge pick-up truck, and headed to the one person he knew that could verify his find. He took the twisted piece of metal to Buzzardbait's top scientist, Dr. Wilfred Wizbanger, Buzzardbait High School's 10th grade Science Teacher, Bumfuzzle watched patiently as Dr. Wizbanger placed the item under his microscope and declared, "Yep, it's a piece of twisted metal alright! It could have fallen from space, or it could be something that fell off an old Mercury station wagon."
Rufus Bumfuzzle has decided to keep the item, even though it may be radioactive and dangerous to human life. "Heck, my old lady is caustic and dangerous to be around when she had a snootful of whiskey, so this will be nuthin'!"
There's no word from NASA as of now if they will come and take the piece of space junk away from Mr. Bumfuzzle, but he warns, "Let em come try and take my little prize, and I'll give 'em a double barrel load of rock salt!"
Photo of the Day
Most of the people in the picture just laughed, except for the man who had his face covered by Obama's hand. He mumbled, “Where's the Birth Certificate?”
This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by:
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