The Curious Urinal Thursday 9/16/2010

I Wonder What Captain Kirk Would Think?

Die-hard "Star Trek" fans may need refer to their Klingon dictionaries. And they may need to take a transporter to Europe. Why? For the debut of the first opera ever to be completely sung in the invented science fiction language of Klingon.

The opera was called "u," and it kicked off a three-day run at the Zeebelt Theater in The Hague, Netherlands last week. The title "u" is the Klingon word for "universe" or "universal." Since opera occupies a large part of Klingon culture, the creation of such a show here on Earth seemed like a logical choice, opera organizers said.

The 90-minute production follows the journey of Kahless the Unforgettable. After being betrayed by his brother and bearing witness to his father's brutal death, Kahless faces his bitter enemy, the tyrant Molor.

Along the way, Kahless fights to regain his honor by traveling into the underworld, waging epic battles, and reuniting with his true love, Lukara.


There's no word if it is coming to America any time soon, but if it did, there are millions of Trekkers that would pour into the theaters and critique it to death!

The Romulan Ambassador to Star Fleet did not have any comment on the Klingon Opera, but sources within the empire say that it was stolen from them, and they may invade Federation space if it's not stopped.

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The Curious Urinal Wednesday, 9/15/2010

Obama's Latest Plan to Save Failing Economy

With his approval numbers falling faster than pigs being tossed from an airplane, President Obama unveiled his latest proposal to bolster the miserable economy. In a press conference inside of a McDonalds Restaurant in Cincinnati, OH, Obama touted his ultimate plan.

"We'll start selling parts of America back to Mexico, France, Canada and Saudi Arabia. Then, we take your houses from you and give them to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, who will then rent the houses back to you for a small 10,000% mark-up. Then, we rob Fort Knox like Goldfinger did in that old James Bond movie... And then, just for fun, we'll sell conservatives for scientific experiments by the pound!"

The raved reviews from Acorn workers and SEIU members drowned out the boos and hisses from the rest of the restaurant, who began pelting the president with Chicken McNuggets and hunks of cheeseburgers. The Secret Service wrestled the crowd to the ground, and then allowed the Acorn workers and SEIU members to beat them to a bloody pulp.

No word if Ronald McDonald approves of the plan.

New Oil to come from Mexico?

Even though President Obama imposed a moratorium on U.S. deepwater drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, the U.S. Export-Import Bank intends to guarantee $1 billion in loans to PEMEX, the Mexican state oil company, to bolster the company's oil drilling in the region.

The bank, which is the official American export credit agency, loaned more than $1 billion to PEMEX in 2009 -- when the company was the bank's largest borrower -- in support of its drilling activities. That year, the bank also guaranteed two loans totaling $300 million made by a commercial lender.

The latest request comes during a drilling moratorium that was first imposed by Obama in May to find out what was the cause behind the April 20 Deepwater Horizon oil rig explosion killed 11 workers and led to 206 million gallons of oil spewing from BP's undersea well.

After a federal court struck down the ban amid complaints that it threatened thousands of jobs in the offshore oil industry, the Obama administration issued a new moratorium in July on most deep-water drilling activities that is in effect until Nov. 30.

Obama says that it's a win-win situation for everybody. "We can bring in cheap oil from Mexico, and use illegal immigrants to carry a 55 gallon drum with them as they cross the border. The more illegal immigrants, the more oil we get! This should make those SUV-driving conservatives happy!"

A Note For Dewaine From Kelsey Grammer

The Curious Urinal Monday 9/13/2010

Holy Backfiring Stimulus Plan

U.S. poverty rankings are nearing an all-time high. The number of people in America who are in poverty is heading for record increases on President Obama's watch; the ranks of working-age poor is fast approaching 1960's levels that led to the national war on poverty.

According to Census figures for 2009 — the recession-ravaged first year of the Obama presidency — are to be released in the coming week, and demographers expect grim findings.

"It's unfortunate timing for the president and the democrats," said a White House staffer who wished to remain anonymous. "With just seven weeks left before the mid-term elections, when control of Congress is at stake, the president looks to be failing badly as far as the numbers of poor people in the U.S."

The anticipated poverty rate increase — from 13.2 percent to about 15 percent — would be another blow to Democrats struggling to persuade voters to keep them in power.

Even the president said, "The most important anti-poverty effort is growing the economy and making sure there are enough jobs out there. If we can grow the economy faster and create more jobs, then everybody is swept up into that virtuous cycle."

But with a failing stimulus plan, over-spending taxpayers hard-earned dollars, and spending more time on vacations and golf outings than time actually spent inside the White House, Obama is well on his way to making Jimmy Carter look like a fiscal conservative.



News Reporter Quits On-Air

OSLO, Norway-- A Norwegian radio news reporter quit on the air after complaining about her job and saying she wouldn't read the day's news because "nothing important has happened" anyway.

Pia Beathe Pedersen accused her employers at the radio station of putting too much pressure on the staff. She went on, saying, "I mean, seriously, the station plays too damn much Justin Bieber! No one can stand that kind of pressure!"

The Curious Urinal Tuesday 9/14/2010


Christians Attacked and Stabbed

BEKASI, Indonesia — Several assailants stabbed a Christian worshipper in the stomach, then pounded a minister in the head with a wooden plank as they headed to morning prayers Sunday outside Indonesia's capital.

No one has yet claimed responsibility for the attacks, but a certain Islamic hard-line group - who have warned members of the Batak Christian Protestant Church against worshipping on a field housing their now-shuttered church - are being targeted for the blame.

In recent months, they have thrown shoes and water bottles at the church members, interrupted sermons with chants of "Infidels!" and "Leave Now!" They have also dumped piles of feces on the land.

Police say that a worshipper was on his way to the field when assailants jumped off a motorcycle and stabbed him in the stomach. Then the pastor, who came to the parishioners defense, was smashed in the head.

An anonymous Muslim militant, his face covered with a mask, said, "Islam is a religion of peace. And we'll behead anyone who says otherwise!"


Hamburger anyone?

A new survey of America's favorite fast-food restaurants may have Ronald McDonald crying in his glop-like, nasty-tasting milkshake . Some critics are saying that the best part of the hamburgers at the Golden Arches is the toppings.

"I only eat the McNuggets," said a random person from New Jersey after lunch yesterday at a McDonald's. "The burgers taste like rubber that had been squeezed out of the ass of a bear. The food really sucks, and the clown scared the bejesus out of me!

Despite record sales at McDonald's, burger lovers surveyed by Consumer Reports gave the chain's basic beef patty a thumbs-down. The nationwide survey of 28,000 ranked McDonald's a lowly 18th out of 18.

Local hamburger chain, Phurrburgers, was not in the rating this year as they have only one location. But many local residents prefer Phurrbugers over the rest of the restaurant chains combined. Take Oliver Closoff; he's the Ammo County Road Commissioner. He enjoys a Phurrburger every chance he gets. "There's nothing like a Phurrburger to brighten my day!"

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