The Curious Urinal Tuesday 9/14/2010


Christians Attacked and Stabbed

BEKASI, Indonesia — Several assailants stabbed a Christian worshipper in the stomach, then pounded a minister in the head with a wooden plank as they headed to morning prayers Sunday outside Indonesia's capital.

No one has yet claimed responsibility for the attacks, but a certain Islamic hard-line group - who have warned members of the Batak Christian Protestant Church against worshipping on a field housing their now-shuttered church - are being targeted for the blame.

In recent months, they have thrown shoes and water bottles at the church members, interrupted sermons with chants of "Infidels!" and "Leave Now!" They have also dumped piles of feces on the land.

Police say that a worshipper was on his way to the field when assailants jumped off a motorcycle and stabbed him in the stomach. Then the pastor, who came to the parishioners defense, was smashed in the head.

An anonymous Muslim militant, his face covered with a mask, said, "Islam is a religion of peace. And we'll behead anyone who says otherwise!"


Hamburger anyone?

A new survey of America's favorite fast-food restaurants may have Ronald McDonald crying in his glop-like, nasty-tasting milkshake . Some critics are saying that the best part of the hamburgers at the Golden Arches is the toppings.

"I only eat the McNuggets," said a random person from New Jersey after lunch yesterday at a McDonald's. "The burgers taste like rubber that had been squeezed out of the ass of a bear. The food really sucks, and the clown scared the bejesus out of me!

Despite record sales at McDonald's, burger lovers surveyed by Consumer Reports gave the chain's basic beef patty a thumbs-down. The nationwide survey of 28,000 ranked McDonald's a lowly 18th out of 18.

Local hamburger chain, Phurrburgers, was not in the rating this year as they have only one location. But many local residents prefer Phurrbugers over the rest of the restaurant chains combined. Take Oliver Closoff; he's the Ammo County Road Commissioner. He enjoys a Phurrburger every chance he gets. "There's nothing like a Phurrburger to brighten my day!"

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