Friday, Sept 10, 2010

The Curious Urinal Interview

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

She's one of the members of the 'Jersey Shore' gang, and probably the most famous of them all. Snooki is a lovely young lady with a lot of talent. And we had a wonderful interview over the phone yesterday. The following is the transcript of the call.

CU: Thank you for talking with us today, Snooki.

Snooki: Whatever.

CU: You are on the hit MTV show called Jersey Shore. You are one of the fan favorites on the show. What can you tell us about it?

Snooki: Look, I haven't got time to talk about crap like that. I mean, really, I am my own person. Let's talk about me.

CU: Okay. So, you were in court on Wednesday facing a judge over some incident on Seaside Heights Beach. What's up with that?

Snooki: Look, I was drunk and got a little loud. Whadda want from me, F***in' blood?

CU: But come on, tell us if it was a part of the show...

Snooki: Look, f***head, I had a couple of f***in' drinks and I f***ed up. Okay?

CU: So, it wasn't a part of the show?

Snooki: F*** you! Let's talk about me, not that f***in beach s**t, got it?

CU: Okay, fine. So what would you like to tell your fans?

Snooki: Well, I'm really a nice Italian girl and I... Hold on, some f***in' reporters at the f***in' door. (shouting away from the phone) Go the f**k away, you piece of f***in s**t. I'm f***in' busy in here!

CU: Is everything okay?

Snooki: F**k them f***in' reporters. Like they never f***in' f***ed up or anything like that!

CU: We all make mistakes. So, the judge sentenced you to a day of community service and gave you a $500 fine and $33 in court cost. How did you feel afterwards?

Snooki: How the f**k do you think I f***in' feel, a**hole? I had to do f***in' community f***in' service. I was f***in' hangin' out with f***in animals and having to clean their f***in' s**t out of their f***in' cages! F**k a bunch of that f***in' s**t!

CU: One last question. When the judge said you were a Lindsey Lohan wannabe, what went through your mind.

Snooki: F**k that s**t! Lindsey f***in' Lohan can kiss my f***in'...

CU: Well, I know you have a busy schedule and I do thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.

Snooki: What was the name of your newspaper again?

CU: The Curious Urinal. We are an online newspaper.

Snooki: You mean you're not a real f***in' newspaper?

CU: No ma'am.

Snooki: Then f**k you! (the line went dead)


Afterthoughts. Snooki is such an amazingly polite young lady... Once you get past her attitude and potty mouth, that is.