Wednesday Sept. 8, 2010

Obama: Economy is on the Upturn!

Washington - President Obama touted the recent economic numbers to bolster his claim that the nation is on a sound road to recovery. "Unemployment is up, meaning more people are in the job market, thus we can raise taxes on everyone making money and give more to those that aren't!"

But a anonymous economics advisor spoke up and refutiated the claim, saying, "This president obviously never passed basic math, much less economics 101. The unemployment rates went up because more people lost their jobs! Thus, you don't raise taxes to insure that more people follow suit."

Local merchant, Lester Horwinkeler of Horwinkler's House of Cheese, commented on the presidents claim. "I'm sitting on three-hundred pounds of moldy cheese because none of my customers can afford it anymore. The president needs to remember that small businesses are the backbone of this nation. The spineless jellyfish in Washington don't have to worry about losing their jobs... At least until November!"

At Least's it's not Jihad... Yet!

JAKARTA, Indonesia — Thousands of Muslims in Indonesia gathered outside of the U.S. Embassy in Jakarta on Saturday to denounce a plan that an American church has to mark the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks... By burning copies of the Quran.

The Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Florida, has said it will burn the Islamic holy book Wednesday, marking the ninth anniversary of the terror attacks of 9/11. Although local officials have denied a permit for a bonfire on the church's grounds, the center (which made headlines last year by distributing T-shirts that said "Islam is of the Devil") says that it will go ahead with the plan.

Roughly 3,000 members of a hard-line Islamic terrorist group marched to the U.S. Embassy in downtown Jakarta waving banners and posters condemning the plan. The terrorists group also organized similar rallies in five other cities across Indonesia, the world' largest Muslim nation.

One demonstrator said, "Islam is the religion of peace. For these infidel bastards to burn the holy Quran will mean we will butcher millions and behead anyone who defiles Islam. America must die! Israel must die, and all infidels must die so the religion of peace can conquer the world and kill anyone it wants to at anytime!"