Local Minister Starts Charity
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
There are ministers and then there's the Reverend Cleofus Jones, Jr. He is one of Lousyville's most outspoken proponents of charity in the community. And we were given a few minutes of his valuable time to discuss his latest charitable ministry.
"My name is Reverend Yawanna Cleofus Malcolm Young Vincent Antonio Jones, Junior, but the parishioners of my church call me Reverend Yawanna Cmyvajayjay for short. I am the pastor of The Church of the Little Folk here in Lousyville and I'm starting a new local charity to help those less fortunate than most of the good peoples out there."
When asked about his new charity, the reverend nodded and smiled.
"Well, I call it "The Little Folk's Payback Charity."
So, I asked him about what he planned to do about helping those less fortunate in the community.
"In simple terms, you folks have it made. You have cars, nice clothes, X Boxes, Wii's and Playstations, personal computers and cell phones galore. All I'm asking is that those civic-minded peoples in Lousyville take a moment to reflect on all they have, and what it would take to replace all those items if something bad were to happen... Like a robbery. Gawd forbid such a thing happen to those good peoples out there, but it can happen, and that's where my charity begins."
Okay, I had to ask, how is having all those items related to his charity. His reply was interesting.
"What I'm trying to do is make those good peoples in Lousyville aware that there are those within the community that don't have such toys and gadgets, and those peoples in the community that would come by your house and take 'em from you when you weren't home, or whilst you were sleeping. For a mere $100 a month donation, I can personally guarantee that none of my parishioners will do that. But if you don't give to the charity, then I can't guarantee that you'll come home to anything at all... Iff'n you knows what I mean!"
Astounded, I asked, "But Reverend Jones, isn't that akin to a threat?"
"Let me explain. I can't say no to the Little Folks when they come to me and say, 'Reverend Yawanna Cmyvajayjay.' I say 'yes,' and they say, 'Why can't we have stuff like that?' And I say, 'Cause you weren't born as lucky as those folks, and we can't have that, now can we?"
That's when I said, "It sounds like extortion to me!"
"Calls it what ya like. I'm simply trying to make things better for the Little Folk and to keep the police from busting my parishioners every time something comes up missing at some folks house."
Whereas I replied, "Then maybe you could preach something from the Ten Commandments... Like Thou shalt not steal!"
"Whatchu wanna bring that old crap up for? Try telling some thirteen year old with no X Box why they can't have one. It's better to give then to receive, and if you folks don't give, then maybe some of the little folks will receive... Stolen goods. That's not good for them, and not good for you peoples."
Completely perplexed, I decided to end the interview, When I walked outside, my car was up on blocks, the tires and wheels missing. The stereo had been ripped out of the dash, and the seats were gone as well. Reverend Jones followed me outside and said, "For a donation of $250, I can have you care put back together and on your way in less than ten minutes."
I paid the $250 and sure enough, a group of youths reassembled my car and even cleaned the windshield.
Reverend Jones stood there beaming with pride when one of the little girls came up and asked, "Reverend Yawanna Cmyvajayjay?"
He said, "Yes."
The vice squad showed up at that moment and hauled the good reverend away for solicitation of a minor.
I left the scene before my car was stripped yet again.
Anyone interested in the extortion/charity, contact Reverend Jones, Jr. at The Church of the Little Folk, 1234 Way up on the 7th Floor, Lousyville, KY.
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