The Curious Urinal- Friday 3/18/11
COLA WARS MAY BE OVER
It's now official... Sales of Diet Coke overtook those of Pepsi-Cola for the first time in 2010, making the diet soda the No. 2 carbonated soft drink in the U.S. behind Coca-Cola, according to industry data released on Thursday.
For years, it has been Coca-Cola and Pepsi, neck and neck for decades, occupying the top two rankings. But now, Diet Coke has edged out Pepsi for the number two spot on the list. This is a historic win for the Coca-Cola Co. in its decades-old rivalry with PepsiCo Inc., which has seen its market share slip in recent years and is trying to retool its marketing.
While both Pepsi and Diet Pepsi has been marketed toward goofy slackers and hip, socially-conscious teens in recent years, Diet Coke continued to market itself to people that normally drink (surprisingly) Diet Coke.
Marketing gurus at PepsiCo are beside themselves even more this week, as news of a new rivalry may be in play very soon.
Local entry, Sludge Cola, bottled by SludgeCo Bottling of Buzzardbait, KY, recently sold a portion of their business to Consolidated Cybernetic Corporation of America (CCCofA) for a record $33,000.00. That's over half the company's total revenue for the past six years. CCCofA plans a marketing blitz using Hip Hop singers, Country Superstars and aging Rockers with bad knees to sell Sludge Cola to a national audience.
But there's one artist who has refused to endorse the local cola. That's none other than Blues legend, Milo Days. He is already in a long-term contract with local winery, Dingleberry Wines, LLC. to promote the wine nationwide. But that wasn't the real reason behind his decision.
Milo Days, taking a break between sets at the Strike and Suds Bowling Lanes and Dance Club last night, said, "Have you ever tasted that stuff? Man, Sludge Cola could grow hair on you tongue and could probably clean the grease off an old, rusted engine block in a junkyard. No thanks, I'll stick with my Dingleberry Wine!"
Here are the top ten soft drinks by popularity in the US:
1. Coca Cola
2. Diet Coke
3. Pepsi Cola
4. Mountain Dew
5. Diet Pepsi
6. Dr. Pepper
7. Sprite
8. Fanta
9. Diet Mountain Dew
10. Diet Dr. Pepper
Currently, Sludge Cola is the number 327th most popular cola in the US. And surprisingly, there are just 327 major and minor brands currently sold in the U.S.
Sludge Cola's market share is a meager 0.0000001% of the U.S. Cola Market. It currently lags behind other notable drinks like Schittpott Cola, Nuclear Waste-water Cola, Piss in a Bottle and Dog Bile Cola.
In Sports
The University of Buzzardbait Men's Basketball team, the Fighting Gutpiles, failed yet again to make it to the Big Dance. UofB head Coach, Cletus Waddshooter, spoke to the media yesterday, bemoaning the fact this his school has never been invited to participate in the NCAA Basketball Championships.
"I think it's a crying shame that the NCAA would be so afraid to allow the Gutpiles into the tourney. We have a perfect record of 0-47 and should have been given a chance to play those teams that always seem to get in. I bet we could lose to the best of them!" Coach Waddshooter then chugged down a bottle of whiskey and passed out shortly thereafter.
Local weather from Buzzardbait's resident Meteorologist, Frank Lee Befuddled.
There is a chance for Rain/Snow/Dry conditions with either cloudy or sunny skies tomorrow.
Temperatures will range between 50 and 100 degrees with lows between 0 and 70 degrees.
Sunrise: When the sun comes up. Sunset: When it gets dark.
