The Curious Urinal  Friday 3/23/2012

Couples Therapy: 6 Reasons to Go
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme

Couples therapy sometimes can carry a negative stigma, preventing many couples from reaping its benefits. But there are plenty of reasons couples go to therapy, outside the threat of splitting up. We spoke with Anita Mann, Buzzardbait's authority on all things couples, and she gave us six common reasons she sees couples who are seeking to improve their relationship.

In-laws: Let's face it, having in-laws living with you can be like having wild animals in the house over the holidays. You probably hate them, wishing them death and dismemberment on a daily basis, but the problem with living with your in-laws may be simply that they serve no other purpose than to eat, sleep and butt into your business 254/7/365.  How to deal with the problem... Since you can't kill them (legally), here's the solution: Kick them out! Change the locks and pretend you're not home! Even if you happen to be living in their house at the time. Odds are that they will simply give up and move to Florida, never to speak to you again. Problem solved!

Parenting: I often see couples who have  children – That's the problem. Quit having those little brats! Children can be a big joy, if you allow someone else to raise them, otherwise they are little monsters that make noise, a mess, and refuse to pick-up after themselves. parenting can be a wonderful experience if you don't have kids!

Finances: This is one of the top reasons why couples break up. Someone’s a saver; someone’s a spender – The solution: Blame George Bush! The president has made a career of blaming George Bush for virtually everything, so why not you? Spend money you don't have, and borrow from China until they are broke, then go "Oopsie, I can't pay you back. George Bush made me do it!"

Religion: The solution here is simple: Marry someone that shares your beliefs, otherwise you'll end up in endless debates on whose religion is better, and we all know mine is!


Sickness or tragedy: For some, a trauma can bring couples together and for some, it can create a wedge. Deal with sickness or tragedy like I do... Ignore it! Who cares if your wife or husband is sick or dies? Let 'em! That's when you go out and find someone new and exciting, and forget about that old coot that you were married to before!

And lastly, Aging: Getting old sucks! Face lifts, tummy tucks, and boob jobs cannot stop death from slowly creeping up and biting you in your ass. The best way for a couple to deal with aging is to stop it! Don't get any older. Pretend you're 18 when you're 80. Wear clothing that looks ridiculous on you, get a Mohawk, a tattoo of yourself on your back that make you look like a circus sideshow reject, or better yet, refuse to act your age. Many couples can stay forever young by acting like children. Yes, there are mental health issues to contend with here, but who cares? Don't act your age, act your shoe size! You'll be much happier for the effort.


This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by:

Buzzardbait Brewing Company, Buzzardbait, KY