The Curious Urinal Monday 9/13/2010

Holy Backfiring Stimulus Plan

U.S. poverty rankings are nearing an all-time high. The number of people in America who are in poverty is heading for record increases on President Obama's watch; the ranks of working-age poor is fast approaching 1960's levels that led to the national war on poverty.

According to Census figures for 2009 — the recession-ravaged first year of the Obama presidency — are to be released in the coming week, and demographers expect grim findings.

"It's unfortunate timing for the president and the democrats," said a White House staffer who wished to remain anonymous. "With just seven weeks left before the mid-term elections, when control of Congress is at stake, the president looks to be failing badly as far as the numbers of poor people in the U.S."

The anticipated poverty rate increase — from 13.2 percent to about 15 percent — would be another blow to Democrats struggling to persuade voters to keep them in power.

Even the president said, "The most important anti-poverty effort is growing the economy and making sure there are enough jobs out there. If we can grow the economy faster and create more jobs, then everybody is swept up into that virtuous cycle."

But with a failing stimulus plan, over-spending taxpayers hard-earned dollars, and spending more time on vacations and golf outings than time actually spent inside the White House, Obama is well on his way to making Jimmy Carter look like a fiscal conservative.



News Reporter Quits On-Air

OSLO, Norway-- A Norwegian radio news reporter quit on the air after complaining about her job and saying she wouldn't read the day's news because "nothing important has happened" anyway.

Pia Beathe Pedersen accused her employers at the radio station of putting too much pressure on the staff. She went on, saying, "I mean, seriously, the station plays too damn much Justin Bieber! No one can stand that kind of pressure!"