Happy Friday to all. Since it's Serial Day, I'm doing a Twofer... If you like these, click on an ad... If not, click on all of them LOL. Thanks.

Episode 2

Space . . . The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Entercourse. Its ongoing mission, to seek out new life and new alien titty bars. To boldly come where no man had gone before!
(cue cheesy theme music)
STAR TREXXX

Captains log, Stardate: 36-24-36.1...
We are on a mission to Seta Alpha Damya to investigate an incident there. So far, we haven’t been able to communicate with anyone on the planet.


Capt. Squirt: Mr. Splotch?

Mr. Splotch: Yes, Captain?

Capt. Squirt: What can you tell me about the planet?

Mr. Splotch: Well, it’s round; it has clouds and really funny looking aliens on it.

Capt. Squirt: Very insightful. (Turning to communications) Oldhora?

Oldhora: Yeah, baby?

Capt. Squirt: Anything to report?

Oldhora: Well, I have a runner in my pantyhose and I need to go pee!

Capt. Squirt: Dismissed. (He watches Oldhora enter the turboshaft) Mr. Jacoff?

Mr. Jacoff: Aye, Capteen?

Capt. Squirt: Are the weapons ready?

Mr. Jacoff: I could ask them if you’d like, but they never seem to answer me when I ask.

Capt. Squirt: I see. (Turning back to Splotch) Anything happening out there?

Mr. Splotch: Currently, there are several native fowl shitting on the hull.

Capt. Squirt: Have a detail go clean that up.

Mr. Splotch: Captain, if I might venture an idea?

Capt. Squirt: What is it?

Mr. Splotch: An idea? Well it’s a thought that...

Capt. Squirt: Your idea, Splotch. What is your idea?

Mr. Splotch: I seem to recall a starship wash just three lightyears to our left when we entered this system

Capt. Squirt: Executive thinking, Mr. Splotch.

(Just then, Dr, Lemard ‘Boner’ MyToy entered the bridge)

Dr. MyToy: Now you wait just one damned minute, Captain Sir. It’s one thing to prepare for war, and another thing to prepare for war!

Capt. Squirt: Uh, yes. Point taken, Boner!

Dr. MyToy: In that case, I’ll retire to the bar for a drink.

Mr. Jacoff: Capteen, I’m picking up enema wessels.

Capt. Squirt: Enema wessels? Oh, enemy vessels!

Mr. Jakoff: That’s what I said!

Capt. Squirt: Evasive maneuvers.

Oldhora: Captain, baby. I have the head of planetary security on the line.

Capt. Squirt: On screen.

(The view screen is suddenly filled with a face of a very ugly alien)

Capt. Squirt: Holy shit! Is that your face or did someone need to take a crap?

Alien: You will leave this planet immediately.

Capt. Squirt: I’m Captain Slim T. Squirt. By whose authority do you speak?

Alien: Huh?

Capt: Squirt: Who’s your boss?

Alien: Ah, That would be Magagagastagawaga.

Capt. Squirt: (looking toward Splotch) I thought that was a Clingox VD?

Alien: You dare insult the Great Magagagastagawaga?

Capt. Squirt: Only if he insults me!

Alien: He insulted you? How dare he!

Capt. Squirt: Yeah!

Alien: Wait, I’m confused!

Capt. Squirt: And I’m Captain Slim T. Kirk.

Will Captain Squirt avoid a hostile confrontation? Will the alien figure out what’s going on? And will healthcare reform actually make you sick? These and other questions will be answered next time on Star Trexxx!


And now, Since it's a twofer Friday... Here's another semi-exciting episode.

Episode 3

Space . . . The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Entercourse. Its ongoing mission, to seek out new life and new alien titty bars. To boldly come where no man had gone before!
(cue cheesy space-like music)
STAR TREXXX

Captains log, supplemental - After making contact with the ugly alien, we were given coordinates to beam down to meet with their leader, Magagagastagawaga.

Capt. Squirt: Phazers on stun, keep your eyes open.

Mr. Splotch: Who are you talking to, Captain?

Capt. Squirt: (Looking around) I thought I was beaming down with armed troops?

Mr. Splotch: Starfleeter Regulation 22: When the captain tells you he’s beaming down, then under no circumstances does anyone go without the expressed written permission of Starfleeter Command, in triplicate, and we must wait six to eight weeks for a response.

Captain Squirt: By the books as always, you pointed-eared moron!

Mr. Splotch: Need I remind the captain that I am a Vulpan. Moron’s have three legs and a tendency to drool out their anus.

Capt. Squirt: I stand corrected! Well, I suppose I could go this alone. I haven’t had a fight with an alien species since my cadet days.

Mr. Splotch: It would be logical to forewarn you of the dangers of beaming directly into a hostile situation, Captain. Starfleeters Regulation 69 expressly mandates that the captain be accompanied by the first officer, in which case I should come along.

Capt. Squirt: Yes, I’m well aware of the protocols, Splotch, but you remember the last time you accompanied me on an away mission?

Mr. Splotch: I do not seem to recall ever going on any away missions with you, Sir.

Capt. Squirt: That’s because you drank a fifth of Rumulan Ale and passed out. You were asleep for three freakin’ days!

Mr. Splotch: Ah, yes. That was when my ass was sore when I had awakened.

Capt. Squirt: Don’t look at me. You’re not my type!

Mr. Splotch: I may have to ask Dr. MyToy about that. You know he’s always up my ass about something!

Capt. Squirt: Yes. In the meantime, beam me down, Splotchy!

(The whirl of energy dematerializes the captain, and transports him to the assigned coordinates... In the middle of an alien titty bar)

Alien: Captain Squirt. You’re right on time.

Capt. Squirt: For what?

Alien: Happy hour!

Capt. Squirt: Far out! But, in the meantime, take me to your leader!

Alien: Wow, that’s so cliche!

Capt. Squirt: I have a lousy writer.

Alien: So I’ve noticed.

(The alien led the captain to the leader of the planet)

Capt. Squirt: Magagagastagawaga, I presume?

Maga: Just call me Maga, Captain. Please have a drink.

Capt. Squirt: Tequilla.

(The bartender hands the captain his drink)

Maga: So, I take it you received my message?

Capt. Squirt: Starfleeter got your requests, yes. I was sent here to investigate the incident and report back to command with my findings.

Maga: And what have you found out thus far?

Capt. Squirt: Well, so far, I have found a planet full of ugly aliens and a distaste for buggery. And I also discovered that congress cannot seem to read the laws they pass!

Maga: I see. So you can help with our troubles then?

Capt. Squirt: On one condition.

Maga: What would that be?

Capt. Squirt: You turn loose of my leg and get your tentacles off my ass.

Maga: But I thought you might be interested in some extraterrestrial lovin’... Was I mistaken?

Capt. Squirt: Uh, are you a female?

Maga: Of course, silly goose!

Capt. Squirt: Your place or mine?

Will Captain Squirt go above and beyond the call of duty to strengthen ties between Earth and Seta Alpha Damya. Will he be able to take care of business despite his distaste for buggery? And will Congress ever read the laws they pass? Tune in again next week for another episode of Star Trexxx!