The Curious Urinal Thursday 9/30/2010

Vote Begging Begins as Congress Flees Washington

WASHINGTON -- Battle-weary members of Congress are coming soon to neighborhoods near you to press for re-election. They are far more eager to campaign before angry constituents than compromise in Washington on tax cuts, child nutrition or a federal budget.

Majority Democrats are facing tough re-election fights all over America. Both houses of Congress rebelled Wednesday, deciding to call off controversial votes, including passing a temporary bill to keep the government running. They instead decided to head home.

"The Senate should be more concerned about doing what's right for the country and less concerned about campaign season," a senator said. "But we're all a bunch of sniveling dogs that needs to be fired and... Wait, did I say that?"

And in Sports

Buzzardbait High School will be putting on their annual Fall Dance on Oct. 8th. This years theme is Thank God The Tobacco-flavored Cumquat Harvest is Over!

Chaperone's are requested to attend this year dance as the high school hopes to avoid the brawl that overwhelmed the two teachers who chaperoned last years dance. Anyone who recalls the damage to the school, the parking lot, and part of downtown Buzzardbait last year will also note that over 90% of the attendees missed school the following Monday due to the bail hearings.

If you wish to be one of the chaperone's, the requirements include: being able to stand for four hours without need for sitting and/or bathroom breaks; ownership of at least one firearm, and the ability to bench press 300 pounds - as some of our students are fairly good sized.

Benefits include free food and soft drinks (Sven Jorgensens Cajun Sushi and Chinese Buffet and Sludge Cola is once again providing the food and drinks for the dance).

Any interested parent should contact Principal Willard Wanghammer during school hours.