The Curious Urinal Sept. 3, 2010

The Curious Urinal Interview: Paris Hilton

In recent days, Paris Hilton has found herself in trouble with the law once again. And The Curious Urinal decided that crack reporter, Juan Motyme, should travel to L.A. to speak to her. The following is what took place.

CU: Thank you for sitting down with me today so you can give your side of the story.

PH: Uh huh.

CU: So, you have had several run-ins with the law as of late. First, back in 2007 you were charged with an alcohol-related reckless driving charge. You were sentenced to 45 days and served 23 days. Then this past June, you get in trouble again. Then in Las Vegas, you were found with cocaine in your purse...

PH: It wasn't my purse!

CU: Excuse me?

PH: It wasn't my purse. I was... Uh, holding it for a friend. Yeah, that's it!

CU: Your friend let you carry her purse with cocaine in it?

PH: Uh huh.

CU: Some friend!

PH: It wasn't my fault.

CU: But what about the marijuana in the vehicle at the time you were arrested?

PH: It wasn't mine. I wasn't smoking it.

CU: But you were in the vehicle.

PH: I needed a ride is all.

CU: So, you were in a vehicle in Las Vegas, with marijuana being smoked inside the vehicle and carrying someone else's purse with cocaine in it?

PH: Uh huh.

CU: I'm sure the readers will find that a bit hard to swallow.

PH: Oh, you saw my movie?

CU: Excuse me?

PH: You know, the porn thing I did a few years back.

CU: Actually, no.

PH: It was some of my finest work as an actress.

CU: Perhaps so, but we're talking about the drugs in the purse.

PH: It wasn't my purse.

CU: So you have said.

PH: I prefer that we talk about something else. This subject bores me.

CU: But this is news, and the public wants to know...

PH: All they need to know is I'm beautiful, rich and talented. The rest they don't need to know.

CU: But it's made national news.

PH: And I simply love the publicity. But now we need to move on.

CU: So, you're saying you don't wish to talk about it?

PH: Uh huh.

CU: So, what would you like to talk about?

PH: I dunno. Maybe how I have a terrific smile and I'm so beautiful that all women are jealous of me?

CU: Do you think that, really?

PH: Uh huh.

CU: Then maybe we could talk about your being arrested on the felony cocaine possession charge? You could face up to four years in jail.

PH: I doubt that they will do that. I mean, really, do I look like I have that kind of time to commit to something like that?

CU: Excuse me?

PH: Look, I need to go. I have a photo shoot for Skank Magazine in a little while, and I need to make myself even more beautiful than I already am.

CU: Uh huh.


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