The Curious Urinal Sept. 2, 2010

Gunman takes network hostage; gets ventilated!

James Jay Lee, professional nutcase and part-time protester, stormed into Discovery Channel Headquarters in Silver Springs, MD and took three hostages yesterday. He wore a vest with pipe bombs and canisters of explosive gases attatched. Apparently he was ready to martyr himself for his beliefs that humans, and most notable children, are parasites on the planet.

Local exterminators, the Silver Springs SWAT team, popped a cap in the parasite and took him down. He died the way he lived... As just another nutcase who thinks he knows better how to run the lives of everyone else... Much like what Congress believes.

All of the hostages, and all of the employees of the Discovery Channel were uninjured, including 100 children.

Rabbi condemned, Ahmadinejad hailed

The U.S. State Department on Sunday issued a statement criticizing an Israeli rabbi who reportedly wished God would send a plague to kill off all Palestinians, including the "evil hater of Israel," Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas.

"We regret and condemn the inflammatory statements by Rabbi Ovadia Yosef," State Department spokesman Philip Crowley said, noting that the rabbi's comments do not reflect the views of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

"These remarks are not only deeply offensive, but incitement such as this hurts the cause of peace. As we move forward to re-launch peace negotiations, it is important that actions by people on all sides help to advance our effort, not hinder it," Crowley said.

But, in a related story, Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, called for the death of Israel, America, and all infidels worldwide. The U.S. State Department hailed the president of Iran for his moderate views.

Let's Get Stoned?

PARIS – About 300 people from rights organizations have demonstrated in Paris to urge Iran to stop its plans to carry out the death sentence on an Iranian woman convicted of adultery.

The protesters carried banners reading "Let's Save Sakineh," in honor of Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, a 43-year-old mother of two who's been sentenced to death by stoning for adultery.

After international protests, Iran lifted the stoning sentence last month, but she could still face execution by hanging. "A far better method to deal with women who go against Sharia Law!" Claimed President Ahmadinejad, who also condemned Israel, America and all other western nations for their lack of Sharia Law. "We could kill everyone and have a glorious peace!"

Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton, said that, "Ahmadinejad is an ambassador of peace and understanding in the Middle East. And I can't wait to wear a burqa!"