The Curious Urinal Interview - Rick Sanchez
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Earlier this week Rick Sanchez, the CNN commentator, was fired after some derogatory remarks he made during a radio interview. The Curious Urinal decided to talk to Mr. Sanchez, in hopes to allow him the opportunity to give his side of the story.
CU: Thank you for sitting down with us today.
RC: Come on. Enough of the niceties. Let's get down to it.
CU: Okay then... Well, this past week wasn't a good week for you, was it?
RC: Who are you again?
CU: My name is Juan Motyme. I'm a staff reporter at the Curious Urinal.
RC: The Curious Urinal? What kind of a name is that? Did some Jew make that up?
CU: Well, I was going to ask you about that comment you made about Jews and John Stewart.
RC: That a**hole is a f***in jerk!
CU: Please, the readers will not appreciate the language.
RC: F**k them too! All of them are a bunch of Jews that hate me!
CU: So, you truly believe that everyone else in the country is Jewish?
RC: Look, I know not everybody is a Jew. Just all of the rich a**holes that make more money than I do!
CU: Are you jealous of people making money?
RC: I'm a progressive. The only people that should have money are people like me. The rest of them need to be broke and ruled by an iron-fisted dictator... Like Obama!
CU: And that's your opinion?
RC: It's a fact! CNN fired me because the Jews made them do it. In fact, the Jews own CNN, so they need to be taken out and shot!
CU: Wait a minute!
RC: No, you wait a minute. I'm a member of the elite media, so I am always right!
CU: Not anymore. You are an unemployed progressive liberal that thought you could say anything you wanted to say, but found out that your bosses at CNN thought otherwise!
RC: F**k them too!
CU: So, about you and John Stewart...
RC: I would like to see him taken out to the desert and drug behind a jeep doing ninety miles an hour through cactus and scorpions!
CU: You would think that of a fellow human being?
RC: He's a comedian, and not a good one at that! He deserves to die a slow, painful death!
CU: Can I quote you on that?
RC: Look, a**hole, don't make me open a can of whoopa** on you!
CU: You said on a radio show, and I quote: 'I'm telling you that everyone who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart, and to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?' You called John Stewart a bigot, yet you sound just like one.
RC: Yeah, so?
CU: So you are a bigot?
RC: I'm not a bigot! I'm a progressive. We aren't bigots. We're open-minded people who just hate Jews, Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, rich people and conservatives. Other than that, we like everybody...Especially Muslims!
CU: Wait... Aren't you a Hispanic? And secondly, do you hate everyone that doesn't think on the same lines as you?
RC: First of all, I'm Cuban! And I don't hate everyone... Just people that don't think like I do!
CU: Well, I think I can wrap this interview up. Thanks for your time.
RC: Wait, I wanted to promote my book, 'Conventional Idiocy.' It's my life's story.
CU: Yeah, it's sold a whole 800 copies!
RC: A New York Times best seller! (whispering) Hey, just between you and me, are you guys hiring?
CU: Well, actually that reminds me of another point. You said, and I quote: 'I can't see someone not getting a job these days because they're Jewish.'
RC: Right... So, are you guys hiring, or what?
CU: Not really, no. But I bet you could become the presidents new press secretary when Robert Gibbs decides to go run the DNC.
RC: Cool, that would be a great gig. Thanks, Jewboy!
CU: Do I look Jewish to you?
RC: No, you look like someone who would like them though.
CU: I do.
RC: Thus my point, a**hole!
CU: Bigot!
RC: I'm not a bigot. I'm a progressive!
CU: Close enough!
This edition of The Curious Urinal is brought to you by:
He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, it usually is snuck into the hospital he happens to be recovering in.
Tres Equis - Stay thirsty... And away from the bulls, my friends!
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