Local residents picket new restaurant.

The Church of Jose the Semi-Righteous in Downtown Poon Point went on the warpath when the new Big Dick’s Hot Dog Stand opened for business last week. Ever since then, the church members have walked a picket line in front of the restaurant, claiming the eatery is selling sex as well as hot dogs.

Owner, Richard ‘Dick’ Sathrobbin, shook his head and laughed during the interview. “How can anyone be offended by my hot dogs?” He pointed out the menu and said, “I mean, come on, The Little Wiener and the Big Dick Special are not what you’d call obscene! “

But other menu items include: The Big Dick and Balls (a Polish Sausage with two Italian meatballs served on the side), The Big Dick and Puss (The aforementioned Polish sausage and Catfish) and the house special, The John Holmes (a sixteen inch sausage smothered in onions and cheese). Other items include a large vanilla protein drink called the Big Dick Swallow. And then there’s the small chocolate shake called the Big Dick Mocha Ejaculate! Mr. Sathrobbin did say, “The only menu item I could saw that might offend these zealots would be the deep fried rabbit in a baked crust, known as the Hare Pie.”

The last restaurant that occupied the current location of Big Dick’s Hot Dog Stand was the old Phurr’s Restaurant, home of the Phurr-Burger! The Church of Jose the Semi-Righteous also picketed the establishment until it closed for good back in 1997. It reopened a week later in Buzzardbait and has been doing a good business ever since.

And in Sports:


LaBamba LaDouche, semi-retired pro wrestler and Hooter Heights resident, announced today the she was getting back into the ring once again to wrestle Mistress Irma Floppinpillows during Wrestlingmania 46. The big event will be held on July 19th at the Buzzardbait Arena and Flea Market.

Also on the card that night will be Big John Studmuffin vs. Smitty The Swampdweller, the Fabulous Taco Brothers in a grudge match vs. Larry ‘The Wanghammer’ Butski and Bruno Hockaloogy. Other matches include a 12-man Battle Royale and Texas Tornado Death match featuring Johnny ‘The Queen’ Honcho and 'Pretty Boy' Nick Glare. A Texas Tornado Death Match is a no-hold’s barred, fight to the finish with a ten minute time limit.

Tickets are going on sale next week!