LOCAL SALES PAGE

THE BIG SALE is going on now at Gettskrewed Motors.

This beauty is sure to fly off the lot. It's a 1975 Chevy Pick-up, White, 2-55 air conditioning, rifle rack, and 327cc engine. It leaks a little oil and smokes a bit, but it's a great truck. Being sacrificed for $2,995.00

This one-owner car is a steal. It's a 1966 Ford Fairlane. Primer gray. It has a bit of rust, and a couple of minor door dings, a caved-in passenger door and crumpled trunk. But it's still one great ride. It needs shocks and a transmission. Priced to sell at $3,495.00!

And what about this beautiful van. It's a '81 Chevy Custom Van. It's great for shopping, family outings, and shagging your old lady out in the wood,. Comes complete with a matress and shag carpeting. Don't mind the musty odor or the urine stains on the mattress. It's fairly clean and ready to drive off the lot - $3,695.00

So come on in to THE BIG SALE – Going on now ar Gettskrewed Motors. On the corner of 5th and Main in Beautiful Downtown Buzzardbait. Open late, till 6 p.m. Nightly for your shopping convenience. And open Saturdays from 9 till Noon.

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Jean's Jewelery is having it's first semi-annual Weekend Sale. This Monday and Tuesday from 10 till 5, Everything is 50% off, or half price, whichever is less. So don't delay another day, Come to Jean's Jewelry, located at the corner of Main and 5th. Open Noon till 3 p.m. for you shopping pleasure. And if you act now, Jean will personally place your jewelry into a bag and hand it to you.

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Come to Buzzardbait Grocery and Tux Rental this week for great specials.

Monkey Nut Cereal, select varieties (including Strawberry and Liver cheese, Cinnamon and Rat Dropping and Oats and Cardboard flavors). $3.99 per 10 oz box.

Penguin Balls, Those wonderful frozen treats, 3 for $10.00 (comes in Chocolate, Peanut Butter and Meat flavors)

Sludge Cola (including Diet and Extra Thick) $1 per 2 liter.

Skank-Off Deodorant – all scents, $2.99 per 3 oz can.

All varieties of Harry Knuckles Handmade Pizzas (except the popular ones) $3.99 each.

And if you rent a tux for Senior Prom, we'll throw in a 6 oz package of Rhodekil's Hand-packed Country Sausage; made with real raccoon, squirrel and possum meat.

Buzzardbait Grocery and Tux Rental - Located at 5th and Main in Buzzardbait, KY. Your hometown grocery store!


Want Ads

Wanted: Clerk to check out customers at Sheets and Schitts Laundromat and Enema Bar. Must be able to work from 8 a.m. till 5 p.m. And also, looking for enema tech. Contact the Curious Urinal if interested in this position, Attn: Madame Tangytush.

Ditch Digger – Must be able to use a shovel and not afraid to get dirty. Apply in person at Buzzardbait Ditch Digging Company. Corner of Main and 5th. Ask for Lumpy.

Looking for great pay and better hours? Then you need to look elsewhere. But we're hiring anyway. Must be able to lift 50 pounds repeatedly for twelve hours at a shift, five days a week. Pays minimum wage; no benefits and you're prone to be laid-off at a moments notice. Must like animals. Apply at Buzzardbait Zoo and Exotic Steak House. Come to the elephant cage and grab a shovel.

Needing 5 sharp people to start immediately. Great pay, excellent benefits. Must be able to walk door to door and smile while hocking Nervous Eddie's Miracle Sex Toys. Commission only. Must be available to work weekends, holidays and have the ability to demonstrate the usage of the toys without reservations. No ugly people need apply. Contact The Curious Urinal for details. Attn: Madame Tangytush