Large Problem For Local Woman Solved

Buzzardbait resident, LaBamba LaDousche's chest grew to a gigantic N cup after she took a new medication, Corpsedia, seven months ago — leaving her unable to move for nearly six months.

"It was awful," she said. "If I tried to get up I would faint because my breasts were so big, heavy and floppy. It was a nightmare! Being bed-ridden for so long was not easy, but my neighbors all helped out. Especially Tom, Harry, Richard, Lester, Oliver and Charlie, who kept coming over to adjust them, and leaving $20 bills on the nightstand thereafter. They were real lifesavers. And also, a special thanks to Linda over at the Elderly Dykes Home, for bringing the ladies over to rub lotion on them to keep them moist."

LaDousche, 29, who lives in the Aureole Acres Trailer Park, was finally helped when local businessman, Albert “Big Al” Boobpenchant, owner of Big Al's Titty Emporium, paid for her breast reduction surgery.

Doctor Phil Eweup, of the Buzzardbait Clinic and Oil and Lube Center, believes she was suffering from a rare condition known as Gigantomastia, also known as Gigantittyitis, which is characterized by excessive breast growth that may occur spontaneously during puberty, pregnancy, or while taking certain medications. This was also verified by the Buzzardbait Department of Health and Other Stuff Not Covered By Another Agency.

Dr. Eweup performed the 8 hour operation, where nearly 40 pounds of excess flesh was removed. The breast matter was then placed into a vacuum-sealed container, and will be on display at Big Al's Titty Emporium in the Hall of Fame display case.

Editors note: Since Ms. LaDousche was unemployed with no health insurance, Big Al has offered her a job to help her out. She will be appearing nightly at Big Al's Titty Emporium. There's no charge for parking. Also, the cover charge is $5, with a two drink minimum.


Beautiful Women can be bad for your health

A racing pulse and sweaty palms are well known as the signs of instant attraction. But research has shown that, for men (and some women, if you happen to swing that way) five minutes spent alone with a beautiful woman causes so much stress, it may be bad for the heart.

“The effects are worst for men,” noted scientist, Seymore Butz, claims. “Not only on the heart, but also the wallet. Men tend to spend more money on attractive women than ugly ones.”

Dr. Butz goes on to say, “The anxiety rate of those men is similar to jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft. Their cortisol levels can rise even higher, bringing on the possibility of a heart attack.

The University of Buzzardbait paid 8 male students to take part in an experiment that measured their cortisol levels before and after they had been left alone with an attractive woman. Thereafter, the same group of men were placed in the same room with an ugly woman. There were only minor bouts of nausea in that tests group; and in one case, a marriage proposal. But after the beer buzz subsided, the proposal was recended.


Correction

Due to incorrect information received from the Ammo County Court Clerks office, Daphne Gropeme, 38, of Beaver Lick was incorrectly listed as being arrested and fined for prostitution in an earlier edition of The Curious Urinal. The charge should have been listed as failure to stop fully at a stop sign. We apologize for the error.