DON'T CALL MY BLUFF!
By Staff Reporter Willie Whanker
WASHINGTON - Petulant is hardly ever a term one wishes to use when referring to ones president, but that is how one lawmaker described President Obama with Eric Cantor. The two apparently traded words, and it was said that the president stood abruptly, looked at Cantor and said, "Don't call my bluff!" and then stormed out of the room.
White House Press Secretary and liar in training, Jim Whatshisface, described the situation a bit differently.
"Eric Cantor was holding a pair of aces and the president had a two-seven. The flop came down with Cantor getting another ace, but the president garnered nothing from the flop. The turn and the river gave Cantor a full house, and the president warned Cantor not to call his bluff. That was all it was about, and that's the truth!"
Aside for the apparent poker game that broke out in the debt debates, it was also said that Senator Mitch McConnell was going to fold a pair of threes, but opted to play until the flop, in which he then folded and went for a beer.
No word on how the debates are going, other than the next meeting, the president will bring Uno cards, and Cantor is said to be bringing his Monopoly Game.
And now for Local News
OOPSY, I didn't mean to hit you. I thought you were an animal!
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
Local contractor and British Import, Cedric Bleedingmore, was apparently doing some work in the attic at the home of Rena Rubberdong, of Poon Point. At some point during the work, he accidently fell through the ceiling of the 100-year-old home, causing major damage to the ceiling and kitchen table below. Bleedingmore was rushed to the Buzzardbait Hospital and Garden Center for treatment of several wounds, many gathered after falling through the ceiling, as Rena Rubberdong attacked Mr. Bleedingmore with a skillet, as she was afraid that a hedgehog has invaded her home.
She said in a statement to Buzzardbait Police that she was standing at the stove, minding her own business, when what she thought was a hedgehog or some other exotic animal has crashed its way into her home. She said she had no choice but to defend herself with the iron skillet, not knowing that it was, in fact, Cedric Bleedingmore falling through her ceiling.
Mr. Bleedingmore was struck 200 times with the iron skillet, causing him to lapse into a coma. His skull was crushed, his arms and legs broken, his rib cage all but destroyed, and his spleen ruptured.
Ms. Rubberdong is suing Mr. Bleedingmore for $100,000 for damages to her home, and to replace her iron skillet --- now dented and unusable.
Donations for Mr. Bleedingmore are being taken by Buzzardbait Bank and Shooting Range.
This installment of The Curious Urinal is brought to you by:
Make Monkey Nuts a part of your breakfast. Heck, make it a part of your lunch and dinner too. We have tons of this stuff sitting in a warehouse collecting dust and mice.
Come on, for Pete's sake...
Eat some Monkey Nuts today!
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