5/3/2011
Osama Bin Laden is Dead
"We finally got the bastard!" Proclaims our unknown source in Washington D.C. "This is a big f**kin' deal!" The unknown source added, then went on to discribe the scene inside the White House.
President Obama strutted around the Oval Office, high-fiving his staff upon news that the Al Qaeda Leader and all around evil dude was dead. He did a few belly bumps with Joe Biden and Hilary Clinton, then went to shoot some basketball.
Bin Laden's DNA was taken, as well as some 8x10 glossy pics taken for future reference. Then, his body was weighed down with concrete blocks and was tossed over the side of a Navy ship to sleep with the fishes - in traditional gangster style.
Good riddence and we hope hell is hot enough for you!
In other news:
Starving Child will remain so until store is restocked.
Little La'Shequa Smith walked into the Buzzardbait Supermarket and Childcare Center yesterday with his mother. Ms. LaQuisha Hussain- Washington-Carver-Benton-Claymore-Jones (yes, she's been married that many times) took her youngest of 11 children into the supermarket to buy his favorite food, Spaghetti Squares (that is the generic Buzzardbait version of Spaghetti-O's), but found the aisle had been wiped out, as their had been a sale, and every last can had been bought.
Now crying, Little La'Shequa (Elmo to his friends) asked his mother what had happened to his favorite food? Not knowing what to tell her son, Ms. Hussain-Washington-Carver-Benton-Claymore-Jones decided to ask the manager, Omar Hockendaloogy. Mr. Hockendaloogy didn't know the answer, but knew were to look. The surveillance tape from Aisle 13 (that's the canned snack food aisle).
Since there had been a sale on the item, he was sure that he would find several customers stocking-up on the tasty little Spaghetti-Square's, manufactured by Buzzardbait Food Processing and Dog Food Company, LLC. But what he and Ms. LaQuisha Hussain-Washington-Carver-Benton-Claymore-Jones, along with little La'Shequa, saw was incredible.
One woman raked the entire contents of the shelf, all 13 cans, into her cart, all the while rubbing her hands together and appeared to be laughing maniacally.
Ms. LaQuisha Hussain-Washington-Carver-Benton-Claymore-Jones looked at her son, all teary-eyed, and said, "Baby, that crazy white woman done cleaned-out your favorite food."
La'Quesha began bawling, saying, "There goes my breakfast and dinner for the rest of the year, and my Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners too!"
Ms. LaQuisha Hussain-Washington-Carver-Benton-Claymore-Jones then said, there ought to be a law against that kinda thing!"
And as for Mr. Hockendaloogy, he said that since the aisle was completely wiped out of Spaghetti-Square's. it would take a few days to replenish the stock.
"My baby's gonna starve by then!" Ms. LaQuisha Hussain-Washington-Carver-Benton-Claymore-Jones exclaimed.
Quickly thinking, Mr. Hockendaloogy called the Buzzardbait Food Processing and Dog Food Company, LLC. and spoke with Uma Trenchmouth, the sales rep, and secured a case of Spaghetti-Square's for little LaQuesha, that would be delivered to the trailer he and his mother and 10 other siblings occupy.
It's that kind of customer service that makes Buzzardbait Supermarket and Childcare Center the best place to shop on Main Street.
This Special Report has been brought to you by one of our favorite sponsors:
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