The Curious Urinal Friday, 4/29/2011

The Curious Urinal Interview: Katie Couric

By staff reporter Juan Motyme

The soon-to-be former CBS News anchor and correspondent sat down with us to answer questions about her impending retirement from anchoring 'CBS Evening News with Katie Couric'

But something told me that she was not in the mood to be interviewed. She had arrived with a half-drank beer - in the long neck bottle - and a freshly-lit cigarette gripped between her frowning lips.

CU: Thank you for sitting down withs us today.

KC: Whatever. Come on, let's get this sh*t over with.

CU: Ms. Couric, or can I call you Katie?

KC: Look, I don't care what you f***in' call me, just hurry the f**k up about it.

CU: Fine then. Ms. Couric, after five years doing the CBS News, you failed to bring the ratings up and...

KC: (A quick swig from the bottle of beer and then replacing the cigarette between her lips) Look, CBS can suck my a*s. They couldn't do anything right. They wouldn't let me do the things I wanted to do. They wanted me to do what they wanted me to do. So it's their fault that the ratings never f**kin' went up!

CU: But it's fair to say that you earned a great deal of money from CBS... $15 million a year to be exact, and...

KC: And I earned every f**kin' dime of it, scumwad! (She guzzled down the remaining beer in the bottle and tossed it aside. She took a drag off her cigarette then flicked it toward the wall) And if anyone says different, then they are a lying sack of sh*t!

CU: Ms. Couric, if I didn't know better, I'd say your a bit bitter about the whole ordeal.

KC: Bitter? I'm not f**kin' bitter! I'm f**kin' pissed off. I wasted five f**kin' years at CBS doing the schlock news when I could have been back at the f**kin' Today Show, having fun and not having to do f**kin' stupid interviews with people like you!

CU: Why? Because you get asked questions you don't wish to answer?

KC: I can answer f**kin' questions, dipsh*t. It's dealing with you lowlifes in the right-wing media that I f**kin' hate! All of you conservatives make me f**kin' sick. I think they should shoot every f**kin' one of you and then pi*s on your carcass. You always ask the stupid questions instead of throwing the softball questions we on the left ask.

CU: I see. Well, I can ask softball questions if you'd like. Let's see... What newspapers do you read?

KC: F**k you!

With that, Katie Couric stood, walked into a wall and cursed. She found the door and walked out.

On a personal note, I say good riddance, Ms. Couric.