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Authorities Find Nothing Suspicious After Evacuating Lousyville International Airport

LOUSYVILLE, Ky. -- Leave it to Lousyville to try to get national attention. According to inside sources, Sid the bomb-sniffing police dog sniffed out a suspicious package and that caused the entire airport to be shut down Wednesday morning. After a frantic call to police, the police bomb experts found nothing suspicious after Sid reacted to a pallet at a remote cargo facility at Lousyville International Airport.

"It turned out to be Bacon Strips that were being sent to some address in Michigan," said Terri Thumbtwiddler, representing the Lousyville Airport Authority. She went on to say that, "Sid was reacting to hunger, not a bomb!"

A Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman said that after the dog alerted officers at around 11 p.m. Tuesday, the facility was evacuated and explosives experts were brought in. She says the airport closed one runway as a precaution.

Lousyville police spokeswoman, Darla "Butch" Azkicker, said a bomb squad examined packages for about eight hours but found nothing but the bacon-flavored strips.

Sid the bomb-sniffing dog has been trained to signal if he believes he's detected explosives, but officials note an alert can be given for materials that aren't dangerous.

"Old Sid was hungry, and we fed him. So everything is good. No harm, no foul!" Terri Thumbtwiddler stated to the press. "But if he does it again, I'll shoot the dog for dragging me out of bed again!"

As a precaution, the TSA strip searched every passenger inside the airport, except for several Muslims that were allowed to pass without being checked. A representative for the TSA, who wished to go unnamed, stated, "Since we cannot profile anyone, especially those of Muslim descent, we have to make doubly sure that the rest of the passengers are searched so that we can insure the skies over the U.S. remain safe!"

Agnes Dumfounded of Lousyville took offense to being strip searched, saying afterward, "I'm 89 years old. The only way I could be a terrorist is if my angina started acting up, then I'm a bit riled up. I think next time I have to fly, I'm wearing a burqa, so I can get through security without the hassles!"