Stalker spotted on South Handy Street

Teachers at the Buzzardbait Elementary school and parents of students received a shock yesterday when they saw a man starring out of a display window across from the school. The man stood there for hours on end, watching the comings and goings of the parents, students and teachers. Finally, MaDonna Ogleme, the vice-principal, called the Buzzardbait Police to investigate. After arriving at the scene, Buzzardbait police crashed through the display window at Howie's Movie Hut and found the culprit; a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Pee Wee Herman. No arrests were made in the incident.

In other news around the area:

Outside of Poon Point is the farm of Marty McBizby, but everyone calls him the 'Old Man'. And on that farm he had some ducks (Eeye and Eeye Ohh), in a pond on the farm of Old Man McBizby. But at 10:35 a.m. Sunday, Old Man McBizby called the Buzzardbait police to make a complaint on some dogs that had been allowed to run loose and who had attacked his ducks.

The loose dogs, owned by B. I. Engeo, also of Poon Point, were rounded up and summarily shot by the Buzzardbait police.

According to Detective Inspector of the Buzzardbait Police Department, the ducks refused any treatment by EMS workers and swam off.


And from the Classified Ads:

For sale – FULL SIZE Mattress,Restonit, 20 year warranty. Like new; must sell. Slight urine odor and blood stains. $50. Contact The Curious Urinal for phone number.

For sale – A complete collection of Old People. Contact The Buzzardbait Rest Home for details.