Idaho Bans Vodka Over Name
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
A few weeks ago, we reported on Alabama banning beer due to controversial naming of a certain brand. Now, it's Idaho's turn to ban a brand of Vodka. The vodka in question, Five Wives Vodka, apparently isn't welcomed in the state of Idaho. With a 25% Mormon population, stores operated by the state of Idaho will not be selling that particular brand, as it was deemed offensive, regulators said.
The mid-priced vodka is made by Ogden's Own Distillery in Utah, where the Mormon church is based. Its label carries the name and an image of five women, an reference to polygamy, a practice abandoned by the church more than a century ago.
The Idaho State Liquor Division administrator, who wishes to remain anonymous, but is named Earl Troutface, said the brand is offensive to Mormons who make up over a quarter of Idaho's population.
But wait... Now it's getting interesting!
Idaho has reversed its decision to ban the 5 Wives Vodka, due in part to a lawsuit that was directed toward the states Alcohol Board for discrimination and First Amendment Rights violation. So now, Idaho will sell Five Wives Vodka.
But Idaho is banning the same beer that Alabama banned weeks ago, citing that the offensive names did not reflect their desire to keep the drunks in the state free from offensive names.
Alabama and Idaho have now banned Fat Bastard Beer, brewed in Michigan, from their store shelves, due to its name.
And, here at home, the powers that be in Ammo County have jumped on the bandwagon of banning certain beers and liquors due to their names.
The following beers can no longer be purchased in Ammo County: Fat Whanker Lager, Smelly Bear Ass Beer, Old Piss Beer, Jock Strap Sqeezin's Beer, Floppy Titty Stout Ale, Bullsh*t Beer, Co**sucker Cream Ale, You Effing Bitch Beer, Gonad Sweat Stout, and our personal favorite, Eat Sh*t and Die Lite Beer.
These can no longer be sold in Buzzardbait, Hooter Heights, or any other county-approved retail outlet, bar, or restaurant. Also added to the list are imported favorites, Smelly Pus*y Beer, Fu*kin' Asshole Dark Ale, and my personal favorite, Bitch, Get Me a Beer Cream Ale."
However, Schitt's Beer is still available everywhere alcohol is sold, due to an agreement with Schitt's Brewery, made back in the early, late mid-century, commonly know to the locals as the 20th Century.
Proponents of these popular beers are protesting the decision made by Ammo County leaders as both unwarranted, and uninformed.
A law suit, filed through the law firm of Findem, Suem, and Skrewem, based in Buzzardbait, hopes to resolve this issue as soon as possible.
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