Local Man Fears Cyber Attacks
By Staff Reporter Willie Wanker
It was a typical day at Wang's Computer Repair and Pawn Shop. Customers milling about, looking at used video games and jewelry, while others sifted through unwanted musical instruments and old Playboys. But the talk of the shop was very serious.
Harry Wang, owner of the computer and pawn shop, was speaking with a customer when I arrived, and the topic of conversation was cyber warfare. Peaking my interest, I joined in the conversation.
"So what are you afraid of when it comes to a cyber attack on the U.S.?" I asked.
Harry Wang shook his head, trying to get a grip on himself as he pondered such a deep subject. "I think I'm more afraid of what the foreign hackers would do to us."
"In what way?" Again I asked.
"You know, it used to be simple. You wrote a program, then you initiated it. Now, it's so much easier. You create viruses and unleash them on the computer world. My computer caught a cold from one of those viruses and hasn't felt good since."
"But you can purge the virus, right?"
"Well, it depends on the virus." He explained. "This last one was mean. My computer had the sniffles and a really bad cough for weeks. Poor thing."
At this point, I was really worried, but I asked, "So what else are you worried about?"
Wang, wringing his hands, replied, "Can you imagine if the hackers unleashed an army of Donkey Kong's on an unsuspecting world. Or Mario Brothers messing with the plumbing. And least we forget, Duke Nukem's running amok on our city streets!"
It was apparent that Harry Wang was delusional, but I couldn't resist the fun. "Or perhaps Zelda's and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles running around!"
"That's exactly what worries me!" Harry Wang looked frightened. "Space Invaders shooting up our cities, Kung Fu Street Fighters beating people up, and those thugs stealing our cars!"
"Grand Theft Auto!"
"Right! They could hinder people getting to hospitals, or work. People would be forced to ride the bus..."
"Or worse, lose their jobs and have to sit in Sim City waiting for a ride to the funny farm!"
"That would not be good, huh?" Wang got quiet and went limp. He looked at me and said, "If that ever happens, what in the world would we do about it?"
I replied, "It would be a Call to Duty, I suppose. Send in the military to take out those bad people!"
Wang seemed to like that idea, but quickly sighed, saying, "Unless they send in Transformers, then we're screwed!"
I nodded and smiled politely. "Right!"
I bid Harry Wang ado and quickly raced to the offices of The Curious Urinal, glad that I stopped by Harry Wang's little shop. But one thing has me worried... If there was a true Cyber Attack on America, would people like Harry Wang think that little Pac Men would be running around the streets, being chased by multi-colored ghosts? Or perhaps an army of Sonic the Hedgehog's suddenly running around bowling people over for spare change?
Sometimes it's better to not worry about it. I'm afraid that people like Harry Wang can't help but worry about it. And that's frightening indeed!
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