9 Year Old Suspended For Sexual Harassment
By Staff Reporter Willie Whacks
A 9-year-old boy Buzzardbait boy was suspended for calling a teacher “cute,” WBZZTV.com reports.The boy’s mother said the principal of Buzzardbait Elementary called her after the incident to say the comment was a form of “sexual harassment.”
"It's not like he went up to the teacher and tried to grope her." the mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, but whose name is Candy Leatherthong, said. "So why would he be suspended for two days? He called the woman cute, not cun... Well, I think this is just stupid!”
According to the station, Anita Realjobb, the new principal of Buzzardbait Elementary, said she could not go into detail, but said the boy was suspended for "inappropriate behavior" after making "inappropriate statements" to the teacher. The teacher, feminist nutjob Anne Polelicker, who up until a week ago was the Buzzardbait Elementary principal before being demoted for stupidity, declined to be interviewed, but said in a statement: This little boy is an example of why men are dogs and why I prefer the company of women!
The boy, Little Billy Leatherthong, stated to reporters, "I just said she was cute. I didn't know she was a dyke! It's a good thing I didn't call her a bitch!"
And in Other News
Company Party 101
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
So, this time of year offers up holiday cheer in the form of office parties all over the nation. We here at The Curious Urinal want to help you with some do's and don't's at the Christmas Office Party.
The invitation may say "party," but that doesn’t mean you should act like a wild, naked savage, especially with upper-level managers present. Employees should enjoy the party, but nor act like a drunken sot in front of the bosses.
So, before you hit the dance floor and try your hand at break dancing, or drink too many beers and vomit on your bosses shoes, here are some helpful tips for what employees should and should not do at this year's holiday office party:
DON'T: Skip the party. Dress your ass up and go, no matter if you hate company functions. That means that even if you don’t like your colleagues or bosses, because they are a bunch of sniveling dogs, you still need to show up.
DO: Decide if you will drink ahead of time. If you decide to drink, don't overdo it. One or two beers or a mixed drink is far better than sucking the keg dry and passing the hat for a beer run.
DON'T: Over consume…anything. Whether its food, alcohol or people, make sure you are enjoying every aspect of the party in moderation. While you may love the shrimp cocktail or the Jack Daniels, stuffing your pockets with food for later, or grabbing the bottle from the bartender and chucking a fifth down and belching loudly isn't going to win you any raises the following year.
In other words, don't graze the buffet line or bar!
DO: Make proper introductions. If you are bringing a date or spouse to the holiday party, be sure you are properly introducing him or her to your bosses and colleagues. Don't say, this here's my main squeeze, or this is my bitch for the night. And ladies, don't introduce you date or husband as the sperm donor for your kids. That might not sound good to the boss.
DON'T: Talk gossip, politics or religion. No matter who you are talking to at the party, keep conversation light. Staying away from hot-button issues is a must, and be sure to steer clear of office gossip. Also, don't talk about your 'roids, your goiter, your dry socket, or the size of your scrot!
DO: Put away your phone. A holiday party gathering is no place to be sexting, playing Angry Birds, or having a conversation about the assholes you work with while in their company.
DON'T: Try to take pictures up the skirts of your female colleagues, especially if their husbands are present. This tends to stop parties dead in their tracks, as fist fights ensue.
DO: Say thank you. Thank your bosses for the party, even if you hate their guts and wish they would burn in hell for all eternity. Also tip the wait staff as they are working hard for the money.
DON'T: Place a wait staff's tip under a upturned glass of water. Even if they messed-up your dinner order, that is no reason to act like a jerk and flip them off as you leave the party.
DO: Dress appropriately. Dress in a conservative manner. It's not a time to dress like a hooker and shake your booty. A nice suit or dress is far better than a halter top and Daisy Dukes.
We hope these tips help you during the holiday season.
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