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Okay, without further ado, here it is...

Episode 1

Space . . . The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Entercourse. Its ongoing mission, to seek out new life and new alien titty bars. To boldly come where no man had gone before!
(cue cheesy theme music)

STAR TREXXX

Captains log, Stardate: 36-24-36...
We are on a mission to Seta Alpha Damya to investigate an incident there.

Capt. Squirt: Mr. Sploch, what is our ETA?

Mr. Sploch: According to the data I have available, I cannot make a determination at this time.

Capt. Squirt: You can’t venture a guess?

Mr. Sploch: I could, but it seems I’m missing a page from my script.

Capt. Squirt: I see. See if you can locate it then. (Turning toward communications) Oldhora?

Oldhora: What you want, baby?

Capt. Squirt: See if you can arouse the locals on the communicator.

Oldhora: Okay.(purring into the mic)Hey baby, anyone want to party out there?

Capt. Squirt: Not like that!

Oldhora: Sorry.I thought you wanted me to have some fun.

Mr. Jacoff: Capteen, I is picking up wery strange readings.

Capt. Squirt: Explain yourself, Mister.

Mr. Jacoff: The scope shows a wery large planet directly ahead.

Capt. Squirt: On screen

The planet filled the view screen. Birds are flying out of the way of the ship. Several airplanes barely missed the starship as it had encroached into the atmosphere.

Capt. Squirt: Looks like we’ve arrived. Standard orbit, Mr. Solo.

Mr. Solo: I have my hands full right now, Captain.

Capt. Squirt: Well, stop beating that thing and grab onto the yoke. Bring us about and whatever else you do.

Mr. Solo: Yes, Captain.

Capt. Squirt: Engineering?

Mr. Scotch: Aye, Cap’n.

Capt. Squirt: What is you status?

Mr. Scotch: Currently I’m sloshed and about to fall down; my feet hurt and I have a case of the squirts.

Capt. Squirt: Negative. I need you to bring shields to full and prepare for warped drive.

Mr. Scotch: But Cap’n, the ship, she can no stand the strain... Nor my poor stomach for that matter!

Capt. Squirt: I need all the power you can muster, Mister.

Mr. Scotch: Aye, you babbling bag of wind!

Capt. Squirt: I heard that!

Mr. Scotch: Dammit, how do you turn this thing off? Oh, there’s the button right ther... (Click)

Mr. Splotch: Captain, I have now located the planet. It seems we are currently in its atmosphere.

Capt. Squirt: No shit, Sherlock!

Mr. Splotch: Well, I just found the damned missing page.

Capt. Squirt: Try to keep up, will ya? (Slapping the comm) Sick bay?

Dr. MyToy: Yes, Slim?

Capt. Squirt: Doctor, I need you to prepare for wounded.

Dr. MyToy: Dammit, Slim, I’m a doctor, not a housekeeper!

Capt. Squirt: Just do it, Boner!

Will Captain Squirt arrive on the planet? Will the Starship Entercourse complete her mission? Will Betty Lou leave with Lance to run naked in the fields? Tune in again next week for the continuing adventures of Star Trexxx!