POST OFFICE IN $$$ TROUBLE --- SEEKS IDEAS
The U.S. Postal Service, which is struggling to cut costs and conserve cash, said on Thursday that it wants to end overnight delivery of letters and postcards, and will be looking into other cost-cutting measures.
The USPS, which lost more than $3 billion last quarter, has said it must downsize drastically or will be forced to stop delivering mail by the end of next summer.
Delivering First Class mail in two to three days instead of one to three days could save about $3 billion by 2015, the agency said. The change would allow it to close facilities, cut back on overnight work and eliminate about 35,000 jobs.
Asking for public input on how the US Postal Service could make or save money, several local residents have made suggestions.
Fred Hindlick, of Poon Point, suggests a change of uniforms. “Tell them haughty post office folks to dress in overalls and some work boots like us farmers and they could save some dang money! Instead of those fancy Post Offices buggies they drive, put em on tractors and they could plow some while delivering all that crap they call mail!”
Connie Linguist, of Hooter Heights made a suggestion. She said, “If they would stop sending a ton of junk mail, they could save millions of trees and millions of gallons of gas at the same time! How many pieces of junk mail have I had to throw away when they could simply stop delivering it and save money, gas and time!”
Big Al (Big Al’s Titty Emporium) suggested: “Hey, make the mail carriers go topless and do pole dances for tips. That might bring in a few bucks... Unless they use really fat guys and ugly ones too!”
And Anita Mann, of Buzzardbait, had a great suggestion, “Tell them to stop bringing all them bills they brung to my house last week and they won’t be wasting all that money. They can charge them billing companies triple to actually deliver them bills to someone that’s got a dang job and some money!”
And in Other Local News
Local Author/Publisher of The Curious Urinal, Dewaine Shoulders, announces the release of his latest epic masterpiece (Okay, so it’s neither epic or a masterpiece, but it’s a book, okay!). The Starr Warped Trilogy has been released for the Kindle. Of course, you don’t have to own a Kindle to read the book, as you can download the program straight to your PC or Laptop.
Here is the link to preview the latest book from our publisher:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_7?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=dewaine+shoulders&sprefix=Dewaine
This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by:
He doesn't always drink beer,
but when he does,
it's usually in a hospital bed.
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