The Curious Urinal - 6/23/2013
SPECIAL LATE EDITION

GOVERNMENT WASTES MORE MONEY... AGAIN!
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme

According to a recent audit of government spending, back in 2001, $592,000 was spent by the National Institutes of Health on a study concerning why chimpanzees threw their poop. Since that study, no definitive answer has been forthcoming. So we went to the source, Buzzardbait's own Chimp/Celeb Stinky, the Feces-Throwing Monkey.

In speaking with Stinky, I asked him why he and his Chimp friends threw poop. Here's his answer:

"The reason chimpanzees throw their poop is no mystery. It's there, it's fun, and it annoys scientists who long for an answer as to why. I, of course, have made a very nice living doing so, and it has afforded me the ability to date beautiful women, live in upscale upper east side Manhattan suites, and appear in mega motion pictures like Starr Warped and Tennessee Smith and the Final Frontier."

Why I asked his if he could demonstrated his technique, Stinky was more than willing to share some of his secrets in poop-tossing.

"First, you need to cup your hand like so, then scoop as much poo as possible, and then you fling it at someone and hope to score a head shot, or even better, that prized open-mouth shot that only comes along once in a lifetime. Those are just pure luck if you can make them. I got Sir Richard Branson once aboard his private jet while en route to England to meet the Queen. That money shot is the all-time best I have ever gotten. I was very pleased with it, although Sir Richard was less than pleased. And that is the sole reason I can never fly Virgin Atlantic. He placed me on the no-fly list. Sir Richard was less than amused when I tossed some poo at the Queen too. I was banned from ever visiting England thereafter. Ah, memories."

There you have it, from an actual expert in the art of poo-tossing, Stinky, the Feces-Throwing Monkey.

The government shouldn't waste taxpayers money with such nonsense; just go the the experts and seek your answers.
  

 

Stinky the Feces-Throwing Monkey 

accepting the Academy Award for Best Actor

 for his role in Starr Warped in 2011.

The Curious Urinal - Special Edition - Saturday 6/8/2013

LOCAL WEDDINGS, ANNIVERSARIES

This is Lance Corporal Willie Little and his bride,  Laverne Bigerenahaus, The two were wed yesterday evening by the shores of Stinkin' Creek. The couple plans to honeymoon at IHOP before Lance Corporal Little ships off to Afghanistan Forever.

Petrov and Ivana Sucuov from Russia, now residents of Buzzardbait, celebrated their 25 anniversary Wednesday by playing the old Russian game, Hide the Kielbasa. Both were gold medalists in team synchronized inhaling at the 1988 Winter Olympics in  Lake Nuisance.

Celebrating their 89th wedding anniversary are Maude and Claude Klawsternewsonenski of Hooter Heights. Maude was the former Madam of Hooter Heights first cathouse, Casa de Kitty. Claude, was the bouncer and bartender there. You can still tell these two are hot for each other after all thse years.

And these two lovebirds are Tiffany and Butch McKlutz of Beaver Bush, KY. The married last Tuesday at Buzzardbait Park and Waste Treatment Plant. Unfortunately, during their honeymoon, Tiffany reported her husband missing after sex. They found him twelve hours later during exploratory surgery on Mrs McKlutz after complaining about painful rectal itch. Both are recovering at Buzzardbait Hospital and Lawn Center. 

This Special Edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by -

 

Monkey Nuts Cereal  -  With a name like Monkey Nuts, you know it has to be something... 

Yeah, that's it. 

It's Something!