Due to the entire staff taking off on a weekend trip to Las Vegas to see the midget cheerleading finals, The Curious Urinal semi-proudly presents:
The Milo Days Show And now it’s time for the Milo Days Show, with your host, Milo Days... "Thank you, announcer man. This is Milo Days, and this here’s my show. And today’s show is brought to you my friends at Dingleberry Wine. The wine of my life. Dingleberry Wine is the best damned wine in the world. It’s even better than that chit you buy at the fancy restaurants. You want a full-bodied wine? Then you better get yourself some Dingleberry Wine. Let me demonstrate. (The sound of chugging can be heard) Ah, good chit. Okay, nuff of dat. It's time for our first caller. Go ahead." "Milo, this here’s George from Dallas." "Thanks for callin’. What’s your problem?" "Well, Milo, I lost my job about three years ago and had to move from Washington D.C. to here in Dallas." "Sucks for you, man. I know a lotta brothers outta work right now." "Well, my question is: Can an ex-president file for unemployment?" "Well, George, that’s a good question. My guess is dat you need to go to the unemployment office there in Dallas and ask. And while you’re there, man, yo might ask about signin' up for some food stamps and welfare. Medicade is something you might want to check-on, too, Brotha! But seein' how it's been three years, you may have a hell of a time getting anyone to give you any." "Thanks, Milo." "Don’t mention it. But remember, if you have the blues cause you lost you job, or your woman, grab yourself a bottle of Dingleberry wine. Let me demonstrate.'(The sound of chugging is audible again). That's smooth, baby. Yeah! I thinks I'll have me some more (More chugging). Baby, that hits the spot. Next caller, go ahead." "Milo? Barack here. Long time listener, first time caller." "Lay it on me, man!" "Well, Milo, I got me this job about three years ago, now I'm having to fight to keep it." "What's your job, brotha?" "Well, I’m running a big country and I need some advice. Should I raise taxes on the wealthy to pay for all of my social programs? Or should I wait till I get re-elected to do it?" "Brotha, you need to raise taxes like you need another relative on an expired Visa. No, man, you don't need to raise no damn taxes. You needs to stop spending money like there’s no tomorrow. Except maybe to buy yourself some Dingleberry Wine. The bold flavors make yo tongue dance in yo mouf! Dig? So, go out to the local liquor store and snatch-up a case or two for some of them Washington Parties! Let me demonstrate. (The sound of massive chugging is heard) That's goooood!" "Thanks, Milo." "No problem, man. Looks like we have time for one more caller. Go ahead, caller." "Thanks Milo. Listen, I recently got into a bit of trouble and I need your advice." "Brotha, what kind of trouble ya in? Woman cheatin' on you? Maybe you played hookey with some woman and her jealous husband is after you?" "No, nothing like that. I sent out some pictures and now everyone is going crazy over them. I mean, it's not like I was cheating on my wife sending them, you know... I just thought it was fun." "You ain't that Weiner fella, are ya?" "Well, yes." "Look here, man. You cheated on your woman. I mean, that's just lower than low. Here you have a good thing going and you screw it up like dat? Man, you are a crazy honkey. Look here, I tell you what you need to do. You take your woman a bottle of Dingleberry Wine, and you two get funky and maybe she'll forgive your white ass... Maybe?" "But, she's pregnant. She can't drink wine, Milo." "You cheated on a pregnant woman? I pity you, fool. You needs to man up. You needs to spend a few thousand on a diamond ring or maybe buy her a new car. Then get down on your knees and beg her to forgive yo sorry ass, Weiner-man! That's my advice, you honkey loser." "Thanks Milo. I appreciate it." "Yeah, right. Next time you decide to send out pictures of your privates, they may be on a tray being served to you to eat, Weiner-boy. You better have lots of Dingleberry Wine handy to wash it down with. Well chit, look at the time. I can see from the clock on the wall that it's time to end today’s show. I want to thank my listeners and callers, and to the folks at Dingleberry Wine. Tune in again next time for another excitin’ episode. Peace, baby!" This show has been brought to you by Dingleberry Wine. In four great flavors: Cherry, Blueberry, Flaming Berry and Chocolate Fudge! When you think wine, think Dingleberry Wine! The wine of the non-discriminatory drinker. And at a price any wino can afford! Dingleberry Wine... Squeezed from only the freshest Dingleberries picked daily from our factory in Buzzardbait, KY. Remember, if it's ain't Dingleberry Wine, it ain't Schitt! Dingleberry Wine Inc. Buzzardbait, KY.  Disclaimer: The consumption of Dingleberry Wine has been proven to make one drunk after three or four bottles. Also, the aftertaste of Dingleberry Wine had been compared to that of a diseased Yak's ass! Dingleberry Wine contains one or more of the following. Aspartame, Sodium Vibrofoam, Benzoate, Corpsedia, Phenylketonurics, Small undigested pieces of meat, Wads of used toilet tissue, Corn Chunks and Artificial Coloring and Flavoring. The consumption of Dingleberry Wine can be hazardous to you health. The following can and probably will occur. Blurred vision, Eratic behavior, Memory loss, Hallucinations, Projectile vomiting, Explosive diarrhea, Loss of motor functions, Convultions, Complete and sudden death, Blood in the stool, on the couch and the recliner, along with a trail wherever you've walked, and Hairy Tongue Syndrome. Not to mention a real shitty taste in your mouth after drinking. Never drink or drive - unless you just really have to do it, in which case, call your local hospital to have an ER standing by on your behalf. Remember drink responsibly and never, ever, no matter what anyone else tells you, stop drinking Dingleberry Wine! |
