The Curious Urinal Interview -
Presidents Clinton, Bush and Obama.
We here at the Curious Urinal try to bring you the best interviews with some of Hollywood’s hottest stars, controversial figures or political leaders. And today is no exception. The Curious Urinal was granted a special interview with the current and two former presidents. The following is the result of a hard-fought process to speak with the three gentlemen at once.
CU: Thank you all for agreeing to take a few minutes to talk with us.
WJC: My pleasure.
BHO: Any time.
GWB: Always good to speak to the press.
CU: Let’s cut to the chase. Mr. President, you are pushing for more and more government control over the lives of all Americans. The question is why?
BHO: I assume you are talking to me?
CU: Yes.
BHO: Uh, well, er, I wasn’t prepared to , uh, answer any questions pertaining to, uh, policy.
CU: But you can at least tell us what your agenda is pertaining to spending trillions of dollars, which has many economist baffled, by the way, to stimulate the economy?
BHO: Bill, you want to answer this one?
WJC: Sorry, you’re on your own.
BHO: Uh, well, you see, uh, it’s like, uh, I've been busy cleaning up the mess left by the previous administration...
GWB: There you go again. How many times are you going to blame me for what the democrats have been doing since 2006? And what you're doing now?
BHO: George, I believe the question was directed toward me.
CU: Well, anyone who would like to answer for you, Mr. President, would be fine.
BHO: Bill?
WJC: (Phone ringing) Sorry, Hilary is calling. (He answers the phone)
GWB: Come on, Barack. Answer the man’s question.
BHO: I’ll have to get back to you on, uh, that particular item. I’ll, have Rahm send you, uh, some propaganda... I, uh, I mean information.
WJC: (hanging up the phone) Uh oh!
CU: What’s wrong, Mr. Clinton?
WJC: Hilary just found my collection of Hustler Magazines hidden in my sock drawer. She’s pissed!
GWB: I’ve seen her pissed. It’s not a pretty sight!
WJC: Even when she’s not pissed, it’s not a pretty sight!
(laughter)
CU: Okay, getting back to my original question. President Obama, can you tell our readers why you feel it necessary to continue spending taxpayers dollars on stimulus packages, over-bloated healthcare bills and bailouts when people are simply looking to find gainful employment?
BHO: I wasn’t aware of economic questions, er, being, uh, brought up. I’ll defer to Bill.
WJC: You know, I call Hilary my anti-gravity wife.
GWB: Why’s that?
WJC: Because she’s always up in the air about something!
(laughter)
CU: Gentlemen, if we could continue with the interview.
(laughter between the presidents continues)
GWB: You know, I kept America safe after 9/11. Old Barry here can’t keep Charlie Rangel out of trouble, much less stop terrorists from entering the country.
BHO: I take, uh, offense, uh, to that!
GWB: Why are you stumbling over your words?
WJC: Because there’s no teleprompter handy for him to read.
(laughter between Clinton and Bush)
CU: Gentlemen, I have to ask about mistakes made during your administrations. What do you think was your biggest mistake?
GWB: Not getting Bin Laden!
WJC: Monica. But damn it was good!
BHO: So far, I have been too busy trying to clean up the mess left by the previous administration to make any mistakes!
GWB: You know, if you weren’t the president, I’d pop you one right on the nose for that.
WJC: Hell, Barack, you’ve spent over four times the money in a year and a half than what George did in eight years.
BHO: Uh, I, er, had to, uh...
GWB: Clean up my mess! Yes, I think everyone has heard that song and dance routine before!
WJC: (phone ringing) I have to take this. I’ll be right back.
CU: So, gentlemen, next question: When you sum up your experience as Commander in Chief, how did, or do you think you have done?
GWB: I think I instilled pride in the military. Having had some experience in the military helped me to do so.
BHO: Come on, you were in the National Guard. Your military experience means nothing.
GWB: At least I served in something besides the Socialist Party and Acorn!
BHO: And you can’t even say nuclear, much less have the intelligence to deal with nuclear treaties and dealing with rogue nations like Iran and North Korea.
GWB: If your party hadn’t blocked me at every turn, I could have dealt with that. And speaking of not being able to pronounce words, Mr. Smartypants, what the hell is Epantsapation?
WJC: Sorry, that call was important. I know what Epantsapation is! The inability to remove your pants while on the internet. Hilary saw to that!
(laughter between the presidents)
CU: Seriously, gentlemen, The country is in turmoil and needs direction. Who’s leadership would be better at this moment?
BHO: Mine!
WJC: Mine!
GWB: The two of you together couldn’t run a whore house on a slow night!
WJC: I think I might be able keep em busy!
(laughter between Bush and Clinton)
BHO: I have been dealing with the mess left from...
WJC and GWB: The previous administration!
GWB: You sound like a broken record!
WJC: I balanced the budget, So my leadership would straighten out the current mess!
GWB: You borrowed money from Social Security and fudged the books. I saw the budget, remember?
BHO: And you spent money on two wars and cut taxes for the rich!
GWB: And everything was going just fine till Nancy and the gang took over in 2006. Then all hell broke loose!
CU: Could we have a civilized discussion here?
BHO: Look, uh, I have a tee time to get to. I’ll have someone send you a picture of me and that should suffice.
WJC: And I just got a call from an old friend who wants to have some fun this afternoon. I have to go.
GWB: Well, I suppose I need to go too. I have a meeting with Jeb about maybe continuing the Bush Dynasty in 2012.
CU: So this is it? I get 5 minutes and not one straight answer?
WJC: We’re politicians. We don’t give straight answers!
BHO: Good answer!
GWB: Yeah, what they said!
A personal note: When the interview ended, I went to the bar and had a few drinks and several aspirin. My head was killing me!
