Local Business Closes Soon After Opening
By Staff Reporter Juan Motyme
It was a business plan like no other. These two men had years of experience and the know-how to get the business up and running.
Marty Gross and Phillip Rancid had the perfect idea when they decided to go into business together. One had spent years as a master butcher and the other had years of experience in the produce business. They decided to open their business during a recession because people have to eat, and they would have the lowest prices in town to make sure that the people would want to shop with them. Both knew that nothing could go wrong.
Their gimmick was simple - one half of the store would house the largest selection of fresh vegetables anywhere, and the other half would be the biggest butcher shop in the country.
So, having put together their marketing plan, they secured a $1,000,000 loan to build a new store. They stocked it with their meats and vegetables, and then they opened their store, spending every last dime they had to make it the biggest thing ever to take place in Buzzardbait.
But there was just one small problem. Once the business opened, no one came to shop.
Rancid Meats and Gross Vegetables was a wonderful idea that failed to catch on in Buzzardbait, and no one knows why.
In Local Sports -
The Buzzardbait High Lady Buzzards will host Aureole Heights Lady Lickers in a Girls Football showdown Tonight at Buzzardbait High Field. Tickets are on sale for $5 if your looking to see a girl fight, as these two teams have bad blood between them. It was last year that the Lady Lickers went down and gave the Lady Buzzards a good licking on their home turf. Tonight, the Lady Buzzards will try out-lick the Lickers and reclaim the Lady's Football Crown. The game begins at 7 p.m.
This edition of The Curious Urinal has been brought to you by -
BUZZARDBAIT ICE CREAM COMPANY
Home of the Tobacco-Flavored Cumquat
Ice Cream Surprise
And the Liver and Onion Flavored Ice Cream for Dogs*
*Also comes in Cat Feces and Ass Flavors
Buzzardbait Ice Cream Company
Buzzardbait, KY.
