To everyone: I wish you a very Merry Christmas, a very Happy Hanukkah, and remember... There's just 363 more shopping days until the end of the world (according to the Mayan Calender). Just a reminder that we all need to run up our charge cards, forget the bills --- Kinda like Washington DC does --- and enjoy! Just sayin'!
And now, for something completely different...
The Naughty Night Before Christmas
(By Anonymous)
'Twas the night before Xmas and all through the house
The whole damn family was drunk as a louse
Grandma and Grandpa were out like a light
Two winos in the alley were having a fight
Ma, home from the cat house, and me out of jail
Had just crawled into bed for a nice piece of tail
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Slipped on a rubber and fell on my ass
The moon on the crest of the new fallen snow
Gave a whorehouse-like luster to the objects below
When what to my blood shot eyes should appear
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer
With a little old driver a scratchin' his balls
I knew in a moment, it must be Santa Clause
Slower than snails his reindeer they came
He bitched and he swore as he called them by name
"Now Dancer, now Prancer, up over the walls
Hurry up, dammit, or I'll cut out your balls."
Then up to the roof he stumbled and fell
And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
He staggered and stomped and went to the door
And tracked reindeer shit all over the floor.
He tossed out some goodies under the tree
He lit up a smoke and looked 'round at me
He shook his head and coughed in a fit
Saying, "I'm getting too old for this shit!"
Then up the chimney he went in a flash
Back up on the roof, he fell on his ass
Back in his sled, he called to the reindeer
"Come on, dammit, let's get the hell outta here!"
And I heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight:
"Merry Christmas to all, damn, what a night!"
This will be the last Curious Urinal edition for 2011.
We'll be going on hiatus until January, 2012.
Merry Christmas, and
Happy New Year
from
The Curious Urinal!
